Looks vs Personality - confused with him

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Looks vs Personality - confused with him
4
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 4:02am

Hi There,

We met online 2 weeks ago and have been speaking very regularly on the phone ever since.
We live several states apart. We speak several times a day. We love to stay in touch. We care for each other. I find him to be a good person who respects me. I like his qualities. We have gone as far as hugging each other (as in, mentioning that we want to do it). Things easily reach the romantic, playful level with him. There is definitely an attraction here. I absolutely love his voice and the way he speaks. Plus, I love the way he is so patient. He is a wonderful listener too. Knowing that I only know him since 2 weeks, and that too, have never met him, I can doubt his intentions easily, but I don't want to. It's a very strong feeling that he is a good person and means well. He has told me that he would never want to hurt me. He says sorry often anytime he feels I am upset about anything. I love it that he doesn't have this ego thing going on.

Now, here's another important part.
I had a negative reaction to his picture, so much so, that I don't even want to look at the picture again. I just can't. I cannot imagine myself with him, lookswise. According to him, I am gorgeous. He feels that he is ugly, and has hinted that I would never pick him because of that. He says he knows his limitation.

I am very confused.

There is no doubt that what we have is "more than friendship", yet, at some level, I am certain we are NOT compatible lookswise. I don't even want to look at his picture! I feel so guilty. Yet, I can't stop myself from talking to him often, and totally look forward to it.

We are planning to meet sometime soon in the future.

Is this worth pursuing..
What if I feel turned-off with his looks even when we meet? What shall I do then?
Any insights on this?
Thank you..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 4:35pm
99% of online relationships and "chemistry" do not communicate to real life. That's why it's much better to not spend tons of time chatting with someone online. It builds expectations of a connection that doesn't really exist. You have to have physical attraction for the person you are dating. It can build over time because you can find certain non-physical qualities attractive thus making them more phusically attractive. But you need to meet this guy and see if you can get over the looks or not. It's not fair to him to keep leading him on when there may be no chance that you would ever want to be with him. Add the fact that you live far apart, this would be a difficult relationship to get off the ground. Good luck.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 5:02pm
Thanks vexer. Yep, I do need to meet him to see if I can get over his looks. It's weird, I do feel physically attracted to him, becoz of the chemistry we create when we just talk (and this is all over the phone, not online). And also, because of his other qualities. But when I see his picture, i get turned off. :-(
Let's see what happens....
It has to be seen...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 1:07pm

I'm afraid that if you don't

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 3:40pm

Vexer is right on here... though it stinks, many times online love doesn't translate to real life. I would suggest meeting ASAP. If his picture is turning you off, it may very well be that he will too. But I would give it a chance unless it's so far beyond what you could like.


When are you guys meeting?