Lose a friend or a lover?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Lose a friend or a lover?
3
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 11:30pm
He is your "best friend". You really love him and actually pull up the guts to say so but he doesn't return the same feelings that you profess. What would you do?

Can you really keep a friendship (with your favorite male friend) just a plain, platonic one after you have spilled the beans and told him you love him? Can you really be comfortable after you put it out there and he actually turned down your feelings to claim that he really didn't think of you any more than just a friend?

Thanks for your thoughts!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 1:05am
Yes, you can, assuming YOU are ok with hanging out with him as platonic friends. It might be a little awkward for a while but if you're truly ok with it, and show him that by your actions, you'll regain your comfortable friendship.

But sometimes you need to take a break from hanging out with him in order to get over your romantic feelings. I've had that happen, yet still reconnected as friends down the road.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 3:20am
I agree with Sheri. But only YOU know when or if you can indeed keep a platonic friendship and be truly okay with it. That involves being honest with yourself.

Friendship involves at least 2 people; and in order for a comfortable relationship to exist, BOTH of you must be willing to redefine and reestablish that friendship, and interact on the SAME emotional page.

I think I have replied to your previous post about having to lose a friend who cannot return your romantic affection. The loss need not be permanent; you may just need some distance and time to resolve your feelings for him before rekindling a friendship...IF at that point, you would still WANT to, and he feels the same way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 11:26pm
Thank you both for your responses...

I have broken off all contact with my "friend" right after we talked about all this. When he said "Well, I really like you too but I have always treated you as a friend", I said I wanted more...and if he couldn't give me that, then I wanted nothing. And that's been it...no contact for over 3 months...from 3 hours a day to ZERO...cold turkey, if you know what I mean.

I am miserable most of the times but the worse part is that sometimes, I feel really guilty...and UNcool...for being SO PREDICTABLE...why couldn't I give this relationship credit for JUST what it was...a GREAT friendship??

Oh well, thanks so much for listening...