At A Lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
At A Lost
1
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 7:14am

I am 30 years-old and have been described as pretty, intelligent with a good personality. I have a lot of friends and am very social but the problem is I am never in a relationship let alone get dates. I have tried everything to meet guys...volunteer, through friends, go to bars, on-line dating etc.
I meet guys but the story is the same all the time...they persue me for awhile and then out of the blue they disappear. Most of the time with no explaination. I always let them persue me, never trying to be pushy but showing them that I am interested. I have even had guys ask me out on a second date and never hear from them again!

I met a guy on-line two months ago and we really hit it off quickly going from e-mailing everyday to talk on the phone a couple times a week. We live 2 hours a part and his work schedule has been very hectic in Nov. and Dec. We agreed we'd meet after the holidays. I had a good feeling about this guy...seemed very solid with a good head on his shoulders. Always called when he said he would and showed a lot of interest in me...no immediate red flags. I have been really looking forward to meeting him and tried to be very understanding of his crazy work schedule. He did call me last Saturday and asked if I was off on Monday, maybe we could do something. I unfortunatley had to work but he said maybe we could get together Friday night. I said that sounded great and said I was looking forward to it and he said we'd talk mid-week to make plans. Well, it's Thurs. and I haven't heard from him since Sat. I would think if you wanted to go out with someone on a Friday, you would make plans before Thurs.
Who knows, I may hear from him today but I have a bad feeling this one is going into the abyss with the rest of them.
What is up with guys and will I ever get out of this funk??? All I want is a date! I try to be positive but it's hard for me not to think that every guy is going to do the same thing to me (of course I never let that on to the guy!). Most of my friends are married and going on their 2nd kids and I can't even get a date. Thoughts???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
In reply to: 21675
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 11:58am

I can empathize with your situation. I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong. I've come to the conclusion lately that guys are looking for someone to "fall in love with them". What I mean is, if you, me, whoever doesn't show that we're really interested in them(not "desperate", a very fine line, but really into them)they're likely to fall by the wayside. I don't know about you, but my heart's been broken a few times so I like to take things very slowly, start out as friends. I've found that for the most part even when a guy is sincere, if he's really interested, he doesn't want to stay just friends for long.

I suspect there's some longing missing in your eyes when you look at these guys and they figure they can get more interest elsewhere. I have a very hard time dredging up that kind of interest in anyone right away anymore. Perhaps you're the same. I guess you could feign it, but I'm not sure you'd want to do that. I pretty much figure that's what I'd have to do to get a guy but I'll probably just wait until I meet someone I feel that way about. A good way, I think, is to see them regularly somewhere you go to shop, church, work (although that has issues) or somewhere. That way, you can grow feelings for someone from a distance sometimes. It's kind of iffy as you don't know the person that well usually, but at least it can build enough interest in me for the guy that he'll at least want to date me for awhile. Best Wishes!