Lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Lost
1
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 1:54pm
Hi, I am 24 yrs old and after many years I finally got up off my butt and started to live my dream of going to school. I used to live with my mom and dad then after 9/11, my dad lost his job and after a year of struggling, my dad found a job across the country, I decided to stay here. Things started to get bad, my best friend and i got into a huge fight and since i have a hard time making friends i didn't have any other friends and I thought of moving across the country to live with my parents but they said no. I felt alone and hurt. Then things started to get better. My best friend started talking to me again, i got a promotion at work and a few months down the line i started dating a guy that i fell absolutely in love with. Then I started making plans for attending school. Things were finally going my way....so I thought. For me to attend school in the program i wanted, i had to move 1 1/2hrs away. Now this wouldn't be so bad but I was worried about my relationship surviving since he travels a LOT for work we wouldn't get to see each other often since i don't have a driver's license or a car. I moved anyway with the support of my boyfriend. After a month i was starting to have doubts about the program thinking that it isn't for me. But then I started thinking that it was just my insecurity coming through so i stuck to it. Well, I realized after i failed a few tests and no matter what i did, nothing stuck. I wasn't interested in the program anymore, and maybe i wasn't really into it at all. I was upset, I was living with roommates for the first time and they never talk to me they make plans as a group in front of me and i don't get invited no matter how interested i show i am in the outing. I wasn't making any friends and i was sad that what i thought that what i wanted to do for the rest of my life wasn't what i wanted. I called my boyfriend to talk since i was upset and he hasn't talked to me in a month since he was in europe and was getting ready to move into his new house. I got upset at him because i hadn't heard from him and how i was having a crappy time here and he told me that he thinks we should break up. He tells me that after a year he doesn't have time for me anymore. And it's not fair for me to be in a relationship where he can't be there for us. I didn't want it but he seemed pretty hell bent on it. I was hurt and extremley heartbroken. I cried for 4 days straight and i didn't even eat,drink or even sleep for 4 days. I had nobody here to help me. My best friend came down for the night but when she left I was even more upset. It's been almost 3 weeks since he ended it, and i am considering changing my course and moving back home (not with my parents)with my friends and the few relatives i have there. Then I told my mom what was going on and she asked me to move home where i can go to school and not worry about rent or bills except my own personal stuff. Now i am not sure what i want to do, I don't want to leave my best friend; her and her family has become my adoptive family they have been there for me through the tears.I know that if i move with my parents that things will be fine for a couple of months but then we will be fighting over stupid things and i don't want to do that. but on the other hand if i move back with my friends, i will see him and I will be upset and be remined of our relationship. And my mom suggested that maybe the only reason why I want to go back to home with my friends is because of my ex. That maybe since i would be back there that we can see each other, and we can reconcile. But i don't see that happening, since he seems like he doesn't want to. I know that I can be happy in either place but I just don't know what to do....HELP!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: chelles_mp
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 1:04pm
Hello chelles_mp, welcome to the board!