Lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Lost
4
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 2:00am
I need help. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. I found out early on about a rumour that he might have a daughter. So I confronted him about it. He said his girlfriend was from Japan and she was only here for a few months. He found out when she left a few months later that she was pregant. Anyways he thought it was his and he was ready to help support her and then he talked to his dad. His dad told him not to do anythng unless the baby had a DNA test. Apparently she wouldn't have one and was all hysterical. Anyways he decided not to do anything because if he started paying child support and it wasn't his then he'd be legally responsible for her. I dropped it at that. Not knowing what to do I asked several people and they all told me to stay with him.

He's a great guy. He's so caring and sweet. He takes care of me and is very responsible. I know he's a great person and father one day. I don't want to let him go. My friends and family all love him.

I don't know why but tonight I checked his email. He's given me his password before. He's really trusting. Anyways his exgirlfriend emailed him 3 times the last 3 months. He hasn't emailed her back because she's been trying to hear from him telling him she loves him and misses him. She sent picture of her and her daughter that's now 2-3 i guess. She looks like him. I don't know what to do. I should tell him I checked his email but I don't know what to do. How can he read those emails and not feel anything? Maybe he does maybe he doesn't. He doesn't tell me. What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
In reply to: summerlov3
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 11:35am
A man who doesn't take care of his daughter says a lot of his character. He doesnt take responsability for his actions. I'd confront him and ask what will he do about his daughter? His ex and daughter might be in Japan, but his responsability is to the child. I wonder if he'd do the same to you IF you were to be pregnant and separated. He can be sweet and kind and lovable but that doesn't justify his actions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
In reply to: summerlov3
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 11:50am
This is really a tough thing. If this woman was wanting support for her child, she would not be sending him e-mails with pictures of the little angel telling him she loved him. He needs to tell this woman that he is willing to do the DNA test and take responsibility for his child (if it is his), but that he is not in love with her anymore.

If he and you are going to have any kind of future together, you guys need to deal with this now. Otherwise, this may haunt him from time to time throughout his life. I think you need to talk to him and tell him to get the DNA. Otherwise, this woman is going to use this as an excuse to continue contacting him. AND, if I were him, I would hate to be sued for back child support 13 years from now. He needs to nip this in the bud now! For everyone's sake.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: summerlov3
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 12:35pm
I totally agree, he should be demanding a DNA test to find out whether it is his child. He should be a part of her life if it is his daughter. I know I would be mad if my father had never had anything to do with my life. It leaves the mother with the power to say, "he wanted nothing to do with you."

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: summerlov3
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 1:40pm
summerlov3...

Pianoguy is pretty much "in agreement" with the previous posters. The DNA test is essential because it'll answer a lot of questions...and possibly..."put to rest" the possibility that your b/f is also A FATHER!

While I guess it's the Mother's choice if she wants to subject her daughter to the DNA test and draw comparisons (if any), YOU...YOUR B/F'S DAD...AND YOUR B/F will continue "going in circles" over this issue! Has your b/f asked the mother of this little girl if SHE OR THE BABY is expecting financial support?

Whether the EX from Japan is genuinely sincere (about sharing) those 'internet snapshots' or is trying to emotionally mess up your b/f's head...who knows? SO it's time for your b/f to ask the question: "WHAT'S THE POINT?"

Playing devil's adovcate here....how would YOU feel if the situation was reversed? You (supposedly) had a child by your b/f...and your b/f was involved with somebody else? Would you permit the DNA test? Or would you try to forget the incident and raise your child alone?

Something to seriously think about....huh?

Pianoguy