Lost a friend who I love i think?
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Lost a friend who I love i think?
| Wed, 03-17-2004 - 12:41pm |
This has been bugging me for 2 years or more i need to get it off me chest, i have played this story over and over and am still lost. A few years ago in college apartment a met a group of really great guys who i hung out with nothing sexual. Out of the group of guys i was really close to one let call him Chris, at first i could not stand him then we were doing everything from calling each other to meet up and watch a show on tv, going to the park even dinner.Then i started to have strong feels for him but i would never tell him cause i didn't want to loss such a great friend. He also had a girlfriend who i liked but evertime i was near him i wanted to tell him but didn't. I started seeing a guy who i thought i like but came to realize he wa a time filler. Still Chris and i hung out everyday and he knew about my ex(now) i knew about his girlfriend.Then they broke up i was so happy but felt bad cause i like her but i wanted him to myself but i told myself i could not tell him my feelings out of fear i would loss a friend.
The more time we spend the more there seem to be affection between us but i stayed firm on the friend thing, even when my stomach and heart wanted something else. During this time my ex were having problem he was not even close to the man that Chris was so i know the end for us was near but if i had Chris i wold be fine.
My friends had a party which i helped to set up everthing was fine till, my ex called at the patry that i told i would at helping and demanded i drive at 1am also 2hours to pick him up from his sister's house, we argued, i knew it was over. I talk to Chris and he confronts me and kissed on the head he alway did that the party went on. Later we were talking in his room he started kissing me my heart was saying yes but my brain and mouth said no i will lose him, i told myself he must be drunk, he still has some feelings for his ex and if this was to happen i wanted him as mine alone and to hear him say it.Well i pushed him off me and ran out the door. The next day Chris was a differnt person he was so cold,almost mean hardly talked to me we stopped hang out but i hung out with the guys. HE moved to NYC and leaves with his ex who is he is seeing again, she moved somewhere. We are friends, distance friends we are polite to each other now, he always asked me come and hung out, when i went to NYC i when out of my not to see him but i wanted to but i knew all the feeling i had would come out. Just i few weeks ago out of the blue he called up, i had left a message wishing him a happy new year. I was so happy and hurt at the same time he told me he played my message everyday. The reason he called was he needed someone to help babysit a friend's of our's baby, he then told me he is coming to Visit next month and when will i visit him. What do i do since him all the guys i met do nothing for me the feelings i had with him i have never had towards any men even my ex, i play the story over and over telling myself i did the right thing but i wish i had not. I day dream on how he would come back and tell me he wants me. I feel i am so cold, no i don't feel anything at all to men i go out with but i think of him and my heart hurts.
I know this was long but what should i do, just get over him or tell him?
The more time we spend the more there seem to be affection between us but i stayed firm on the friend thing, even when my stomach and heart wanted something else. During this time my ex were having problem he was not even close to the man that Chris was so i know the end for us was near but if i had Chris i wold be fine.
My friends had a party which i helped to set up everthing was fine till, my ex called at the patry that i told i would at helping and demanded i drive at 1am also 2hours to pick him up from his sister's house, we argued, i knew it was over. I talk to Chris and he confronts me and kissed on the head he alway did that the party went on. Later we were talking in his room he started kissing me my heart was saying yes but my brain and mouth said no i will lose him, i told myself he must be drunk, he still has some feelings for his ex and if this was to happen i wanted him as mine alone and to hear him say it.Well i pushed him off me and ran out the door. The next day Chris was a differnt person he was so cold,almost mean hardly talked to me we stopped hang out but i hung out with the guys. HE moved to NYC and leaves with his ex who is he is seeing again, she moved somewhere. We are friends, distance friends we are polite to each other now, he always asked me come and hung out, when i went to NYC i when out of my not to see him but i wanted to but i knew all the feeling i had would come out. Just i few weeks ago out of the blue he called up, i had left a message wishing him a happy new year. I was so happy and hurt at the same time he told me he played my message everyday. The reason he called was he needed someone to help babysit a friend's of our's baby, he then told me he is coming to Visit next month and when will i visit him. What do i do since him all the guys i met do nothing for me the feelings i had with him i have never had towards any men even my ex, i play the story over and over telling myself i did the right thing but i wish i had not. I day dream on how he would come back and tell me he wants me. I feel i am so cold, no i don't feel anything at all to men i go out with but i think of him and my heart hurts.
I know this was long but what should i do, just get over him or tell him?
