a lot of time apart, but still feelings
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 06-10-2004 - 1:20pm |
I was with my ex-boyfriend for over 4 years. We loved each other more than anything and wanted a life together forever. We were more than best friends - we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. But, we met when we were young - only 18 yrs old. We broke up because we were basically stuck in an immature relationship. We grew older, but our relationship didn't. We fought about things that teenagers would disagree on, not adults. We (but more he) was not able to commit to each other for the rest of our lives at that time.
It has been over a year and a half since we broke up. We're both in our mid-20s now, and suprisingly, have remained pretty close friends. We have both dated other people, but never met each other's significant others. Right now, we are both single.
I find myself thinking about him more and more recently. Not because I'm lonely, but because I'm lonely for HIM. I still love him with all of my heart, and I know he loves me as well. We have tried cutting off contact, but it never lasts because we just click too well to let our friendship go. We have never talked seriously about getting back together, but we do know that if we did, it would be with "forever" in mind.
I am debating having a serious conversation with him about trying us out again, but I'm scared. I'm scared because while we're apart, I know there is always the potential of us working again in the future...what if he doesn't want to try us again? Or what if we try again, and this time lose our relationship and our friendship?
A huge part of me believes that we both truly have grown up and matured, and we would now be ready to truly and fully give ourselves to each other. We both have our own lives, careers, friends, etc., but I think we could mesh into each other's lives again. And deep down, I believe we both want this. If we didn't, wouldn't we have cut off all ties a long time ago?
Anyone care to share their feelings?

I would say that you HAVE to talk to him. I think that you should talk to him, you seem to be pretty good friends, but you abs have to give it a try. From a guy’s point of view (me being a guy) you are afraid of rejection, but not just rejection from anyone but from someone with who you were actually involved with. Even if he was in the same place as you are it would be pretty hard for him to bring it up.
I’m in a very very similar situation as you are, just I’m probably in your ex’s place. I with my ex-gf for about 3 years, we were best friends, the kind of relationship you dream of. We were immature, I was a lot more than her, we made a lot of mistakes, again more for me than her, but we “clicked”. I’ve dated a lot of other people since but have never had anything close to what I had with her. When we broke up, we didn’t do it properly, we said things and then afterward just acted that the relationship didn’t actually exist, and that we were just very good friends. I was a bit too arrogant, and didn’t really do anything. We both are single right now and a huge part of me wants to get back with her. I find it hard to bring this topic up with her. I know I’ve grown up, and she has to, and we aren’t the kids we used to be.
Back to you, I think if your friendship is strong enough to last this long then it’s strong enough to take this too. You’ll miss 100% of the shots you never take
Besides the obvious fear of rejection, the thing that makes this the most difficult is I'm scared of getting back together and things not working out in the longrun. It took me SO long to get over my relationship with him, and I'd never want to relive that time again...not for anything. It was the most painful time in my entire life, and risking having to go through a breakup with him again is a huge drawback. But, I guess at the same time, it would be a completely different relationship now and my healing would be entirely different. (Wow, I sound like such a pessimist.)
The thing that makes me most sad about this is what if he and I are truly meant to be together? Then we're wasting all this time being apart, when we could be together, loving one another and beginning the rest of our lives...