In love with best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
In love with best friend
3
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 3:56pm
I've fallen in love with my best friend recently and don't know what to do. He and I have had sex several times, but agreed that we would never have be "boyfriend-girlfriend". It's been 6 months and we are the best of friends. I never had feelings for him before this past month. We've been spending more and more time together and i've noticed him being a little more attentive to me. I am afraid if I tell him I have feelings for him he won't feel the same way and it will ruin our friendship, we love eachother very much and I don' want to lose such a good friend.
Please help
Confused
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 7:38pm

Hi Mom_Raven,


Sorry to hear you're stuck in this position.


My first thoughts are that if you don't tell him, then you'll lose either way. If you sit in silence, you're going to be in pain, hoping and wondering whether or not there could be anything. Eventually your friendship might break because of that stress. If you tell him, you risk losing a friend but if it's truly a strong friendship, I believe it will come back.


The problem is that you agreed to keep it on a sexual level. And now things have changed for you, so you will need to accept those consequences.


Personally I think you should let him know. If he does not feel the same, then end it. If he has feelings, then you'll be fine.


In my opinion, the greatest rewards in life also bear the greatest risk.


But no matter which way you choose to go, please just let it be your choice. Keep us posted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 11:50pm

My opinion is that you should give this more time before telling him anything. You want to be sure you mean it and not regret telling it later. Let this friendship go on naturally for some more time. See how it is going. See if your feelings get stronger with time. If he is being more attentive to you, that is a really good sign for you. If you can have this patience, it would be great.

My second thought is: If and when you DO tell him how you feel and he DOES tell you that he does not have feelings for you, can you take that? Would you be able to continue being in that friendship, or would you have to break it off? Chances are that after that revelation, it is you who will have to make that important decision, not him.

I personally, also feel, that you should tell him how you feel. But I would give it a bit more time to be sure about how I feel, before laying it on the table.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 4:26pm
Thank for the reply. I am still confused. We still spend almost everyday together and my feelings for him have definately gotten stronger. He hasn't said anything to make me think his feelings for me have changed. He just has been making little comments about things like infront of people to prove how close we are and that noone is as good for me as he is, he has even talked about just the two of us going away to aruba. I am just really confused. I know he has a very hard time talking about things and he does his best to distance himself from emotions. I know are friendship is very strong but I still worry this might change that if he doesn't feel the same.