In love with a friend!
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In love with a friend!
| Tue, 08-17-2004 - 7:53am |
I need advice,I find myself in an awkward situation. One of my closest friends (Rodrigo) was to be married to his 7 year girlfriend in October. I hadn’t seen him for a few months since I had been living in Paris for 6 months. When I got back and broke up with my boyfriend, Rodrigo and I got closer again. We started going to concerts, theatres and parties together. Oddly enough his girlfriend was never around! The only time I saw her was at a friends wedding. One evening at a party in July we got very close ... nothing happened but I could feel the chemistry between the two of us. We were constantly in each other's arms, dancing the night away. When I came to my senses I was a bit shocked, how could I feel this attracted to one of my best friends, which is about to get married. The following weeks I could feel he was down. I asked him what was wrong and he said he would tell me some other time. Something was wrong. Last week we decided to spend the afternoon together, I wanted to cheer him up. We went down to the beach and chatted for hours. That’s when he told me that he was no longer getting married. He broke-off the engagement 3 weeks ago because he wasn’t happy in his relationship and didn’t feel ready to get married. I didn’t know how to react, in a way I was sad for him but then again I was happy because he was now single. We talked for a long time about his situation because I went through exactly the same thing only 5 months ago. After that we went out for dinner and drinks, we had a wonderful time! By the end of the night he kissed me and we ended up making love. It was wonderful. The chemistry was so intense, it was an amazing night! At 6 a.m. he sent me a message saying that he'd had an "amazing" night!
The next day we spent the afternoon together by the pool and then went out for dinner with a couple of friends. I was a bit distant I must admit, I didn’t know what was going through his mind. He asked me what was wrong and I said that I was tired. The previous day, during dinner he asked me to spend the week-end abroad with him. Now he only spoke vaguely about it. On the third day we had organized to meet up with some friends for dinner. The organization was not very good and I didn’t know at what time we were supposed to meet. As it was for dinner I expected it to be at around 21h. At 20h30 I called only to find out that they had been at the restaurant since 19h!! I was mad at him. He could have called to see where I was. When I said I would go to meet them he said it wasn’t worth it because they were going home. I told him that he was acting strangely since our night together and that it was a shame, that above all we were friends and that I didn’t want to spoil our friendship. I told him that I no longer wanted to go abroad with him. Later that night he sent me a message asking me not to be angry at him, that he really likes me but that he’s loosing his mind at the moment. The next day he called to apologize, but I cut the call short because I was having dinner with friends. I called him the next day, last Friday (he was already abroad on holiday). Sunday he sent me a message saying that he was having a great time and sending me "lots of kisses". I haven’t answered him yet. I don’t know if I should back off and give him space or keep my presence alive. I’m falling in love with him. When I think back over that last 4 months the best times I have had were with him, because we get on so well. It’s a complicated situation, I don’t want to pressure him or ruin our friendship, but I don’t want to loose this opportunity either. What should I do?
The next day we spent the afternoon together by the pool and then went out for dinner with a couple of friends. I was a bit distant I must admit, I didn’t know what was going through his mind. He asked me what was wrong and I said that I was tired. The previous day, during dinner he asked me to spend the week-end abroad with him. Now he only spoke vaguely about it. On the third day we had organized to meet up with some friends for dinner. The organization was not very good and I didn’t know at what time we were supposed to meet. As it was for dinner I expected it to be at around 21h. At 20h30 I called only to find out that they had been at the restaurant since 19h!! I was mad at him. He could have called to see where I was. When I said I would go to meet them he said it wasn’t worth it because they were going home. I told him that he was acting strangely since our night together and that it was a shame, that above all we were friends and that I didn’t want to spoil our friendship. I told him that I no longer wanted to go abroad with him. Later that night he sent me a message asking me not to be angry at him, that he really likes me but that he’s loosing his mind at the moment. The next day he called to apologize, but I cut the call short because I was having dinner with friends. I called him the next day, last Friday (he was already abroad on holiday). Sunday he sent me a message saying that he was having a great time and sending me "lots of kisses". I haven’t answered him yet. I don’t know if I should back off and give him space or keep my presence alive. I’m falling in love with him. When I think back over that last 4 months the best times I have had were with him, because we get on so well. It’s a complicated situation, I don’t want to pressure him or ruin our friendship, but I don’t want to loose this opportunity either. What should I do?

Take your time and see where it's heading.
I know Rodrigo very well, he is not the type to take advantage of women, especialy not a close friend. He is a good, decent man, a gentleman. I know for a fact that he has feelings for me, only he needs to get over his 7 year relationship with his ex-fiancé. I am 100% sure that he has broken off the engagement, it was not a line like you sugested. We didn't talk openly about our future but he made me understand that things would go slowly but surely.
He comes back from holiday on friday. I don't know if I should wait until then to call him or if should already contact him to show him that I'm thinking about him. I don't want to put the pressure on!
Thanks for your advice ...