Love lost?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Love lost?
5
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 12:43pm

Is it possible to lose the love you have felt for a person for a short time? I have been having to explain the way I am and how I feel to guy that I have been dating for about 2 months now and I am getting really tired of it. I am a single mother and I am the first woman he has dated that has had a child so he tells me that this is difficult for him. He wants to spend almost every day with me and wants to be a part of my son's life but it's like he is pushing it so that the relationship can go faster and farther. I don't like fast because of my son and no matter how much I tell him to slow down, he just doesn't get it. He gets defensive and starts questioning why I want things this way or that. He is a very thoughtful and caring guy but is VERY needy of attention that I can't always give.

Sorry this got a little long winded. I just want to know if what I'm feeling (not liking/loving him as much anymore) is something normal. I just don't feel the things I used to feel for him even though it has only been a couple of months. I just don't want this to be a constant thing in our relationship.

Thanks for any advice.

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: jh12
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 3:21pm

2 months isn't a long time and it's even a shorter time to not be liking someone. Sounds to me like the 2 of you may not be compatible... I think you're doing the right thing by not letting him push into your son's life. But if he's pushing so early, it's probably just his personality to do so.


Personally if at such an early stage I found myself not liking the person I was with, I wouldn't last too much longer in the relationship. Feelings usually grow, not fade during the first few months.


Hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jh12
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 4:32pm

Hi Jennifer!

Pianoguy knows that some men have NO TROUBLE AT ALL when it comes to getting along (or co-habitating) with a Mom who has a child from a previous marriage. .

HOWEVER...

Other men in that situation DON'T do as well!

They could love you to death, but might have a major problem getting along with your beast....err....off-spring!

And the moment this type of a man realizes that he can't 'strictly have the mom without her child'----he'll BOLT!

Sorry I have to end this response in a minor key?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: jh12
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 4:44pm

It sounds like you two are simply not on the same page.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: jh12
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 4:53pm

Vexer, I think you and Kerry are right. I think I am just going to have to tell him that since it is so hard on him to understand where I'm coming from then I think it would be best if we just remained friends. He will NOT understand this since he has some deeper love for me than I do for him. I think that he needs someone without children. I have been afraid of this since he first time he started "pushing" me to introduce him to my son. He loves kids but he can't push himself on my son to try and make him like him. He has no control over that. I just don't think I can give him the amount of attention he needs.

Thanks for all of the help!

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: jh12
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 8:55pm
I agree that your situation requires a mature conversation with the guy. You really can't LOSE love in 2 months, if it is real. But you could see the situation for what it really is much better after 2 months. And this is what happened to you. I am twice divorced with no kids and I know better than to date a guy with a young child because I know I want to come first and I know, and would expect, a guy to put his kid first. Adult children are different because they do not need the same hand holding on a daily basis. While he is annoying to you right now, try to turn it around for just one more moment before you say goodbye and at least see that someone out there can be crazy about and actually wants to be with you all the time and that is a huge compliment and try to be gracious about it. See that first before you break it off with him, so the break off goes alot smoother.