in love with a married man

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
in love with a married man
22
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 4:32am
I have been with a married man for about 3years now. I know iam the biggest idiot ever. I did not go after him. He came after me. Now i am caught up. I love him so much and he is what i want. No I don't believe I am a home wrecker. He say's they have problems. I know that's what they all say. Regardless of the fact I knew what I was getting in too. this thing was not to be like this, you know hit it once and move one. Then I got caught up.
He now say's he loves me and I know they are only kept words as my girl says. Truth is part of me wants to leave but most of me wants to say. Every time he hurts me I say am done and yet I go know where go figure. This is a cycle that never stops. This is what I know, I love this man so much and I can see us togather and happy. Talk about a fantasy and denile. I know all this all seems like babble, but if there is anyone out there going thru the same thing. give me a holla. Please don't judge me, I know what iam doing to my self and my spirt life along with the lies that go with this relationship. Thanks for listening.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 9:30am

I hate to rain on your parade, but if I were you I'd get out now. I know you love this man and I really feel for you. This is a very tough spot to be in.

You've been seeing this guy for three years and, although he tells you that he has problems with his wife, he has yet to leave her, doesn't he? Granted, maybe he is separated but I'm going to guess no because I'm sure you would have mentioned that in your post. Honestly, he knows how you feel about him and he is using that to his advantage. You said that you've been "done" with him before but that you keep going back. What does that tell you right there? He sees that and, no offense, it makes you appear as nothing but weak and desperate.

I'm not going to beat you down with thoughts of how wrong this is or that you should think about what his wife would feel if she found out, how would you feel, yadda, yadda, yadda. I would never judge you and hope no one else on this board will. But where is this going for you? What are you getting out of it? It's going to keep going around in circles. There is nowhere else for it to go. And in three years time do you know how many fabulous single men you could have met?

So yes, think about the wife and, if he has kids, think about them but think about yourself, too. You deserve better than just being his mistress.

Hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 3:17pm

cinn68...

Quick question from Pianoguy:

"Which one of you is getting the greater benefit out of this relationship: YOU or THE MARRIED MAN?"

If your answer is THE MARRIED MAN---that should be an indicator as to 'how far the relationship will go?'

If your answer is YOU---and you aren't expecting him to leave his wife for you---you might as well continue down the endless path most "I'm available for sex with you at anytime" women take!

Please understand that PG isn't judging you or your behavior, but is basing his thoughts upon the reality that what the 2 of you have together will LEAD TO NOWHERE! If you can handle the limitations...what you choose to do with him (and when) really isn't any of our business, is it?

There are some women (and even a few men) who will accept this sort of arrangement just to "feel loved by someone!"

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 3:31pm
You know what you are doing yet you keep doing it.
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 6:27pm

You have two choices: 1)wait for him to get a divorce or 2) leave and start life anew.

You can wait for him to get a divorce but remember one thing he can and could cheat on you like he did WITH you. Also, he is great right now because he is fulfilling a fantasy. Try living with him day to day, concerned about bills, screaming kids, chores to get done and see how magnificent he really is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 4:24am
Thank you so much for your comments. The truth is we are friends as well as other. he really is a great guy. I spend enough time with him to tell the truth to have a decent idea of what life would be like with him. He is a very hard persopn to get along with but so am I.
It funny how many comments have been made on this topic. In today's world there is such a any thing goes mentality i really did not think so many people would be it's so bad. I agree though it is bad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 4:27am
Truth be told I don't not have anything wrong with me. NOr do I have any issues. Personaly I knew what I was getting into when I started. Thanks for the free advice
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 4:36am
Thank you for your thoughts. The limitations where ok in the begaining but now they are a problem. We though are not just sex partners. Truth is we go to dinner and have weekends and spend times togather that is why things are getting a little difficult. I guess I need to vent. With out telling the whole stary it is hard for people to understand, if anyone would ever be willing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 4:38am
I do agree I do deserve better. Thanks for your comments.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 11:53am
I didn't know you had a friendship where you got to know him otherwise my post would have been different. Yeah, there is a "anything goes" mentality out there. No one should pass judgement on an affair because one never knows what will happen to him or her down the road. But, it is usually damaging to the mistress's psyche. Sometimes aperson starts to accept second best in life and in all relationships because that is what an affair trains you to do. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 12:24pm

One of the many problems of dating a married man is that he's never yours; you always come second to his wife and family, even when he says he has problems with her.


So, you have a choice: you can either accept being second-best with him

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