in love with a married man
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in love with a married man
| Sun, 03-25-2007 - 4:32am |
I have been with a married man for about 3years now. I know iam the biggest idiot ever. I did not go after him. He came after me. Now i am caught up. I love him so much and he is what i want. No I don't believe I am a home wrecker. He say's they have problems. I know that's what they all say. Regardless of the fact I knew what I was getting in too. this thing was not to be like this, you know hit it once and move one. Then I got caught up.
He now say's he loves me and I know they are only kept words as my girl says. Truth is part of me wants to leave but most of me wants to say. Every time he hurts me I say am done and yet I go know where go figure. This is a cycle that never stops. This is what I know, I love this man so much and I can see us togather and happy. Talk about a fantasy and denile. I know all this all seems like babble, but if there is anyone out there going thru the same thing. give me a holla. Please don't judge me, I know what iam doing to my self and my spirt life along with the lies that go with this relationship. Thanks for listening.
He now say's he loves me and I know they are only kept words as my girl says. Truth is part of me wants to leave but most of me wants to say. Every time he hurts me I say am done and yet I go know where go figure. This is a cycle that never stops. This is what I know, I love this man so much and I can see us togather and happy. Talk about a fantasy and denile. I know all this all seems like babble, but if there is anyone out there going thru the same thing. give me a holla. Please don't judge me, I know what iam doing to my self and my spirt life along with the lies that go with this relationship. Thanks for listening.

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Hi cinn68:
I hope what I had to say helped you. I'm happy to see that the majority of the comments were nonjudgement because you definitely don't need that right now. And my advice will stay the same - get out of the relationship. Fantastic - you guys are friends as well and you have dinner, weekends, etc. together but do you get to go home every night together? Do you get to wake up every morning together and plan a future together?
Look at it this way. Never mind your feelings for this guy or that he claims to have such a lousy marriage. What I want to bring up to you is kind of a selfish reason for you to end this, but it's something you need to consider and hopefully make you end this relationship for your own good. THE WIFE WILL FIND OUT. She will suspect something if she doesn't already. Even if he is the greatest liar in the world, there are physical signs that someone is cheating that can't be hidden no matter what. She will figure it out and she will find out who you are and then god help you when she does because she will be very, VERY mad. Remember what I said in my first post to you about the woman I knew and the scene that she created. This was a man who beat her and she was still crazy/ jealous. In fact, they were already divorced by this time. What set her off was reading his engagement announcement in the paper. Protect yourself, please! You will love someone else and someone else will love you back and not have to make up stories in order to spend time with you.
I think the advice given here is good, but I don't know that I agree that women who pursue unavailable men feel they deserve "second best" or have "issues." Sometimes, it's just a matter that there truly is a dearth of single, attractive, interesting men. Or, it may be that the woman actually does not want to be with a man 24/7 and enjoys the time she has aa man she is nuts about. Yes, some women do not want a humdrum relationship. Some women truly enjoy the unpredictability of an affair, rather than boring old Bubba who is faithful but spills his fat gut on the couch every night after work, with nary an intelligent word to say.
Finally, sometimes you just have an unexplainable connection with someone. That said, I think the attached person has a duty to get out of whatever situation they are in prior to pusruing the other person. That's only common decency.
But, I think as long as he gives her money and keeps her in a custom to her life and he comes home at night she does not are. Again there is history that I know about not thru though. And know I am not her friend nor have we been introduced.
Anyway, I know here pain that she must feel if she does think her husband is CHEATTING. I have been on the other side of this situation. MAKES ME EVEN CRAZIER. right. I am really sain, I just never thought it would be like this. Enough! thanks for your advice.
You've definitely got a tough situation on your hands and I really feel for you. It's tough being in love with a man that you can't have. We've all been there at some point and there's no switch in our hearts to turn off when we find out that he's taken. No one will ever develop feelings for someone but manage to say "Oh well. Can't have him. Who's next?".
I understand what you mean by not wanting to have someone there 24 hours a day and maybe this relationship seems perfect because physically, while the wife is still in the picture, it can't be that way. However, I don't think I'd want the reason to be a wife or a girlfriend the guy just can't seem to get away from.
Never mind all of the advice people have given you. The answer lies within yourself. I think that if you were truly satisfied with this relationship, then we wouldn't be answering your post regarding it. The fact that you posted a message to get other people's opinions says enough about your feelings towards this relationship. And the previous post is right to the point - three years from now is this still going to be all you want? I don't believe that men who cheat are evil or pigs, etc. 99% of the time people cheat because of a lack of something in their lives. However, this guy has taken three years of your life. In three years time you could have met a great single guy who would have respected your need for space, who will be there in the morning when you wake up, and won't have to lie to someone just so he can see you.
I think you've gotten some great advice here and I hope it's given you a few things to think about. Hey - nobody knows you better than yourself so I'm sure you'll make the right decision. But make the decision with only you in mind not him. His feelings should be insignificant to you as apparently his wife's feelings are to him.
I've been where you are. I was with a married man for about 2 years. He told me that they were basically married on paper only and that he was sleeping in another room. I don't know whether that's true or not because I never stepped foot in their house or met the family. He could have told me anything.
I thought that because I was young, attractive, smart and in love that he would leave an unfixable marriage and be with me. I thought that one day the wife would ask for a divorce and he would be free. I would imagine where we would live, the children we would have - I would imagine a happy life with him - while all the while waiting for him to pay me some attention.
I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. I thought it was because I had fallen in love with someone who just happened not to be available. Nothing bad, just bad circumstances which rendered me perpetually unhappy.
I didn't see how being the mistress had eaten away at me. Always being second to family and other obligations. You start to believe you are 2nd best and resign yourself to it after a while.
I didn't see how completely incapable I was of having a normal relationship with a man... how incapable I was of living a drama-free life.
I didn't see how little I valued myself by settling for so little; for crumbs of a relationship.
I didn't see how completely addicted I was to the "excitement" and "passion" of stealing moments away from his REAL life and his family... and the drama of "Should I stay or should I go?" With each passing month, I thought that if I just gave it one more go, he would make a decision to leave her and be with me.
You're probably going to read this on a good day and not want to identify with what I've written.
The truth is, if there was nothing wrong and if you didn't have any issues, you wouldn't have posted here. You talk about wanting to leave - that's your self-preservation talking. It's not something you should ignore.
PS My ex eventually left his wife... for a 22 year old girl (he was 38). That was a month after he broke up with me. I found out later that his wife had given birth his child sometime in the 2nd year of our relationship. You see, it doesn't always pan out the way you want it to even when they leave their wives.
Edited 4/7/2007 12:23 pm ET by teeenybubbles
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