Love Triangle...Ladies Advice please!

Avatar for growl1971
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Love Triangle...Ladies Advice please!
3
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 11:26am
ok, got some good advice here before, so i'm going back to the well...

a few years ago, i met a girl through my friends fiance. nice girl, cute, and we ended up

kissing one night, and i actually stayed over her house. nothing came out of that really,

my interest level wasn't that high. now, we still saw each other because we have mutual

friends,and casually flirted, but nothing more.

well, i ended up meeting another friend of my buddy's fiance shortly thereafter, whom i

found to be very interesting and attractive, and became friends with her too. since we have

a similar circle of friends, we saw each other once and awhile. we flirted too, and have more

in common than the previous girl, but still, just remained friends.

at this point, it's important to note that these two girls are very good friends.

well, this past new years we all spent together with a group of people at a bar. the girl

who i originally kissed years ago had her out of town b/f in town, and he hung out with us too.

well that night the second girl and i were flirting alot, and then all of the sudden she went 'cold',

this pattern repeated itself throughout that night, and i was confused as to why? she wasn't dating

anyone. at the end of new years, the first girl, with her b/f on the other side of the bar, approaches

me and asks me 'how come we've never gone out?'....i was dumbfounded, and the only reply i

could come up with was...'umm....' . so it's obvious she still had an interest in me.

fast forward a month or so later,to a party i had at my house. the first girl was there, and very

very flirty with me, but i didnt' respond with much. i never encouraged her at all. i wanted to make

it clear i wasn't interested anymore. she even tried to stay over my house, but i wouldn't have it.

she had emailed me some after that, and although i was courteous, i never gave her any

encouragement. i just wanted to be friends...for real.

so, two weeks ago, i run into the second girl. and the flirting started immediately with her. the first

girl wasn't there. the chemistry between the two of us was awesome. we have lots in common,

work in the same field, yada, yada, yada. we were just about to kiss, when she stopped it because

she felt guilty. i told her in depth that her friend and i never dated, and i wasn't interested, and had

an interest in her for quite some time. well, we ended up hooking up that night, and hung out all the

next day.

see the triangle forming?

she actually had dinner w/ her friend the next night afterwards and told her about us. she said to me

that we'd talk about the outcome of the converstation...but never did. after that night, i could feel

her being aloof and despondent. obviously, it had something to do with her friend.

i was last over there sunday night, and could feel the 'distance' so to say. i was very frustrated

when i left, and haven't spoken to her since.

ladies....what should i do? i dont' want to come between two friends, but we're all adults 31-32 years

old, and her friend HAS A BOYFRIEND! should she feel guilty? should i?

feedback please! THANKS!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 12:21pm
First of all, there is no triangle here. Not from your viewpoint. You've been up front all the way along, and girl #1 has been told clearly you two are just friends. You've done your part.

Second of all, there is nothing you can do about what conclusions girl #2 comes to on her own. It's out of your hands. You are helpless, so just realize that.

It sounds to me like girl #1 is badmouthing you to girl #2. Obviously, girl #1 is jealous (even though I thought she had a BF?) and is trying to influence girl #2. That's really a shame, and it's too bad. But like I say above, there's nothing you can do. You've acted honorably to girl #1 and you've been honest with girl #2 about your relationship with girl #1.

I would simply treat girl #2 the way you've been treating her and ignore the perceived "distance". Do not - I repeat do not - go to girl #1 and complain, or get in the middle of this. Continue to pursue girl #2 like you would if girl #1 weren't around.

Good luck. Girl #2 will date you if she's really interested. If she's not really interested, or if she allows herself to be influenced by the bad rap she's getting about you from girl #1, you will have been better off without her anyway.

Tread lightly here because you don't want to upset this small circle of friends. I have a feeling this will work out the way it should.

Avatar for unsure4now
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 4:13pm
Hey growl! I'm not giving you my 2 cents until you tell me what ever happened with your "dream girl" who works in the same building as you? What ever happened?

: )

Avatar for growl1971
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 4:35pm
unsure!

yes, i never let you know what happened!

well, nothing happened! we went out to lunch that one time. she made some comments that were 'encouraging', but nothing ever came of it. i have to be honest and say, i just don't think we hit it off personality wise. but, since i had all this karmic stuff surrounding the situation, i wanted to be sure to rest my mind. so...i actually invited her to meet me on a sunday in the park where i was going to walk my dog. she replied with 'i would love too meet up!, call me'. well, i did call that sunday, and got the 'blowoff'. so, i left it alone. it was quite puzzling, since, i asked her via email, and she again had every oppty to say 'i'm washing my hair', 'i'm out of the country', etc, etc, etc.! why would she blow me off that day?

i do think i haven't been told the whole story with her, and there's something going on in that situation that isn't quite right. BUT, hey, i did my job, and followed through, and took my chance. but, it still bothers me.

obviously, it doesn't bother me enough to keep dating! he he.

so, how bout this latest mess i got myself into?

see, this is why i'm single!

thanks for asking sweetie, and would love some advice.