Loving a man with abandonment issues?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Loving a man with abandonment issues?
9
Tue, 03-17-2009 - 10:26am

I very recently ended a relationship of almost 2 years, and I am in deep regret and mourning.


It was a decision that I made from logic, and not emotion. I knew it was what I needed to do, but I didn't completely want to. I easily ended a relationship in the past and it felt nothing compared to this.


As a young boy, his parents left him with other family and their relationship has been severed since. When he was old enough

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Tue, 03-17-2009 - 1:07pm

I have to be honest with you..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Tue, 03-17-2009 - 5:35pm

The problem you are facing is that he wants you to be ladened with the chore of loving him unconditionally and that should have came from his family. So he carried his issues and baggage right into this relationship with you. ANd it is not realistic or fair for you to right the wrong that came from his family -- nor is it appropriate to stay with a relationship that is detrimental to your psyche or safety.


What you are there for is

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Tue, 03-17-2009 - 9:32pm

Thank you newlyfoundsunshine, these were definitely things that I needed to hear. I know that there is no excuse for treating me poorly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Tue, 03-17-2009 - 9:45pm

sugarbaby_gal, you can't possibly know how dead-on your reply was. Again, this was something I desperately needed to read/hear.


The personal events you described are so incredibly similar to what I've experienced, and I mean almost everything..... that I'm sitting here amazed at the parralels.


Thank you so much for your detailed, thorough and thoughful reply. I think I'll be refering back to it when I hit my low-lows.


Thank you. :')

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Wed, 03-18-2009 - 2:07am

Good luck mahoganybliss - doesnt it suck that good women get treated like crap?


I already told my guy that I really dont feel he deserves another chance after how crappy I have been treated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Wed, 03-18-2009 - 2:00pm

You got great advise from the others, but I am going to add my 2c anyway.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 2:22pm

Reading your replies are almost frightening. You wouldn't believe how similar the men we deal with are. The parallels are crazy :|


I mean, your advice is so much help because it speaks to me very deep - I dealt with almost everything you've metioned. And then there are the creepy similarities (On Feb 21st, mine decided to go skiing for my birthday instead of coming out with my friends and I for dinner...)


Thank you for the well wishes, I hope the same to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 2:25pm

Thank you yankee-c-sc!


Surprisingly, I'm doing a lot better already! I guess it's a combination of all these great replies and great friends. I know I may 'replapse', but at the moment, I'm in a great place.


Thanks again to all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 5:27pm

I cant believe he wasnt with you for your birthday!!