Lower my standards?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2006
Lower my standards?
7
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 8:30pm

I met this guy online about a month ago. He's really great; I think we could be a good match. Problem is:

He's kind of a slob. We went to dinner and he had his shirt inside out (even though i told him several times.) He picks his nose in front of me. And he totally farted while he was wrestling a friend of his. yuck.

He's a good person though. And he gets me. It's so hard to find someone who's "real" and I feel like maybe I should hang onto him.

What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 5:44am

entername_here...

PG thought about your post and came up with the following:

This man probably has some good qualities too? However, since you've already observed 3 bad ones during your first date together...which of the 2 types do you think you'll be looking for during any future dates?

You can certainly attempt to convince him to change a bad habit or two? But unless you make the effort to instigate these changes in a 'gentle, non-threatening manner'---the likelihood of this man taking advantage of your suggestions (longterm) is PRETTY SLIM!

He has lived with his bad habits for so long that he's probably content to keep them?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 12:16pm
I think you've only seen the tip of the iceberg on the slob factor regarding this guy. Most people are usually on their best behavior for the first few dates. If he's picking his nose (how can a grown man do this? It's bad enough to see a child do this, but an adult? I'd think he was socially retarded. Imagine kissing him after he's done the nasal exploration!), farting, and dressing like a slob already, what else to do you think you have to look forward to? Think about introducing him to your family, friends, and work associates when he demonstrates this and other, possibly worse, behaviors without a qualm. If you think you'd be embarassed, then it's best to throw this fish back in the pond because you won't be able to change him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 5:18pm

Honey, don't lower your standards to date this guy!!! My own personal opinion....EEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Hang in there and look for a better one! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 12:37pm
That's extremely gross. If this is the kind of behavior he exhibits when he's just met you and is on "honeymoon" behavior it's scary to think what other types of stuff he thinks is acceptable once it's an established relationship. You want to be tactful but this is an area to discuss.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 12:55pm

I am a little more flexible when it comes to these things. Afterall, these characteristics are different from qualities like bad character, being insensitive, not being able to "get you" etc etc?

I'd say give him a chance. But make sure you do let him know how these things make you feel when you see them. If you see improvements, atleast an *effort* on his part...then it's a good sign.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 1:03pm
I TOTALLY agree
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 2:03pm

I understand your reservations about this date. The biggest issue that i have isn't that his habbits are gross (farting IS natural and maybe he was trying to make a fashion statement by wearing his shirt inside-out?) but it is the effort (or lack there of) that he put in. The way i look at it is that when girls go on dates we put our heart and soul into looking good/acting like a "lady" and being on our best behaviour. The least a guy could do for a girl is make sure that he has a clean shirt to wear and that he excuses himself to the washroom to pick his nose. I find it a real turn off when a guy knows he is coming to see me and doesn't feel the need to try and impress me (as superficial as it may sound, guys expect the same of us).

That being said though, you do seem to have a sort of interest in this guy. I would give him a second chance and maybe get to know him a bit better. If you can overcome these bad habbits then there is the possibility of a great relationship.