Major Problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2004
Major Problems
1
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 3:09pm
Hello All;

I have been dating a cop for about four months. He happens to have been working in my precint which makes it a lot easier to see him. He actually lives about 40 minutes away from me, so it would have been difficult. I really like this guy a lot. We have amazing conversations together, and we just mesh well.

Well, a couple of things have been bothering me lately. 1) We have never had "the talk", and I am a bit nervous to. 2) He still frequently hangs out with his ex, but he always tells me about it, I try to act like it doesn't bother me, but it does sometimes. It worries me because I used to hang out with my ex-boyfriend, but he wanted me back, and I declined. The guy I am dating and I have never discussed past relationships, but I would like to get thins out in the opened 3) I haven't met his parents, I have however met a lot of his friends, and they all love me. 4) He just got transferred to another police department and will now be living at home with his parents, about 30 minutes away

He tells me we are still going to see each other, but I don't know how to approach the subject of where we stand. I am nervous that it might scare him away. The other day on the phone he almost called himself my boyfriend, but stopped himself. He just seems to be giving off mixed signals, but I am scared to have the chat, because I don't want to hear something I am not prepared for. I have been though a lot with guys, and I actually think that him and I have a very, very good thing. I just hope that he realizes it.. I need some advice pronto. I am seeing him tomorrow afternoon at a Yankee game, and thought that after the game it would be a good time to have an "intro" conversation. By the way, if this makes any difference. When I met him in May he had just broken up with his girlfriend in March, and My boyfriend had just broken up with me in February. Please help me. I really like this guy and I am just so confused... BTW He is almost 26 and I am 22, Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: nadiam2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 3:50pm
If you need to know where you stand, then you need to ask him. I know it's difficult and it's scary to do so, but you'll be better off knowing one way or the other, right? You've been together long enough to have the talk, really. The next time you see him, just casually ask him what he's wanting out of the relationship with you. If he doesn't answer or gives you a lot of run around, then you can take that as he wants nothing further than what you have right now.

Be honest about what you are looking for as well. If you want to build more and have things be long term, then don't settle for less. Don't agree to his terms if they're not fitting with yours in the hopes that he will change his mind. Trust me, he won't.

Alison

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