Making the 1st move and really nervous!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Making the 1st move and really nervous!!
3
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 3:07pm

Hi everyone. So i finally got over this guy i've been obsessed with (some of you may remember my posts)and i admit, i was obsessed and stupid but now i feel liberated. for the 1st time since i was 14 (8 yrs ago) i'm planning on approaching someone. the relationships i've had before had been us mutually approaching each other. i went online to an independant site for students at my university to buy books to buy a textbook i needed for a liberal course at school and i saw this guy was selling it. the price was right so he called me to tell me that he's bringing it and we made a date to pick it up. when i saw him, i saw such a handsome guy!, i was smitten! :). he's about 6'4, egyptian, tanned skin, brown eyes, beautiful smile, built well, sounded intellictual. he's a business major.

we chit chatted briefly about school, no more. one dilemma i ran into was he's in 2nd year and i'm in 4th year of university. i always told myself i would never date a younger guy again but he looked so much older and to be fair, i really don't know his age yet so he could be older. anyways, i'm willing to put that behind me. my problem is i haven't approached a guy in 8 years. i don't know if he has a gf, if he has no interest in me whatsoever, if age is an issue with him or what. i don't know what to say to him. i don't see him at school since he has classes when i don't and we're in 2 different programs. he was suppose to sell me another book for the class but i bought it for cheap from another person so i have to tell him that i won't be needing it.

at that time, what do i say to him? how do i approach him, as it would be by e-mail, without looking desperate or pushy? it would be nice to be able to talk to him and get to know him before i make any decisions but what justifiable reason do i have for that apart from him thinking "HA! this girl wants me", i just can't be like "hey, you seem cool, even though you're a sophmore and i'm pretty much out the door of university, let's be friends"

what should i do??
also, i would like to strike while the iron's hot. if more time passes, it will seem pointless.
Thank you

Just do it and done!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 8:15pm
Next time you talk to him to tell him that you don't need the book anymore, make small talk and try and find out if he has a GF. Say something along the lines, "your GF must get good deals from you too", or something like that. That will give you the info you want. If he says" I don't have a GF" then you can ask him out to have coffee or to hang out with your friends. Get to know him better before making any desicions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 11:41am
Usually if a woman approaches the guy, (and no hisses or boos please) the guy will go out with her but will always value the woman he chases more. It is not a liberated point of view from the male perspective, but that is what we have in the year 2007. I feel it shouldn't matter, but the reality is different. Also, if he is Egyptian, you may want to find out how a man from his culture/country (if he is not born here or is first or second generation american) views a woman making the first move. Sometimes they view it in a disparaging way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 11:19pm
Absolutely - be casual in your approach and cautious until you really get to know him
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