Making the First Move...Foolish Idea?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Making the First Move...Foolish Idea?
2
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 8:02pm


I need advice as to whether this is a lame-brained desperate idea or if I should go ahead and do this.

“Average Joe” was a manager that my company hired 3 months ago, but 2 wks ago, the company decided to eliminate his position and he was let go. It was not because he was doing a bad job. He was my superior, but I did not report to him. I was attracted to him from the beginning, and now that he’s gone, I’ve been thinking about him constantly. We’re a laid back and casual group of people. My company has a history of people dating within the company; many have since married their colleagues. I consider myself to be a friendly and well-liked individual at work, but do not flirt with my co-workers. “Joe” and I saw each other at work everyday, did the occasionnal office chit chat, and occasional horsing around. I am 27 and he is 34.

Now that he’s gone, I do not need to worry about office romance angle, but…there are no more opportunities available to get to know him better. He was too new to the company to form any bonds with any colleagues, so there is essentially no way to get to know him better.

Now, I just thought of this up, and wondered if this is a horrible idea and would potentially scare him off. I was thinking of sending a short message by snail mail (thanks to the phone book). The message would be along the lines of “I’ve been thinking about you since you’ve been gone, if you’re interested, email or call me” and then sign it off with my name and contact info.

-What do you think of my idea?

-Am I making a fool of myself?

-Would it scare him off the fact that I found his address and am sending messages to his home? I don’t want him to think I am a stalker.

-Since he left the company and I’m still there, would it be too embarrassing for him to respond to me even if he’s interested?

-Should I wait a while before I send this message to him? Or should I let this attraction die and fade away from my mind?

We both live in the same big city, but I highly doubt I would ever see him again.

What else can I do?

Any feedback is welcomed.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 9:20pm
To me, a simple phone call would be better than sending a letter. That just seems too...I don't know, well thought out, and therefore a little creepy! A phone call is more casual. Why not just call him up and say, "I enjoyed getting to know you and would like to get together again". If you get his voicemail, say that, leave your number, and see if he calls.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 12:41am
Yours in an interesting situation but I think you should think some things through before you do anything, just because if your skin is as thin as mine was when I pursued last year, you might get hurt. I thought of some questions you might ask yourself before you do anything.

Did you ever get any indication he may already be involved with someone?

How did he relate to you other than office stuff?

Did his eyes ever light up and twinkle when you interacted in a way that could indicate he thought you were special?

Did he smile alot around you?

If you got a positive vibe from him that's good BUT still be careful because some guys, when they are pursued by a woman will take it to the limit and think she's so easy, and he may "innocently" exploit your attraction for him and not give you an opportunity to get close emotionally, and then may cut you off.

I'm just saying this because I got royally fooled that way by a guy that comes off as mr. shy nice guy but he took adavantage of a good thing and then stated he did not have reciprocal feelings for me. It hurt really badly but I realize (after time) that I'm better off w/o someone like that. You know him best so trust your gut. It does involve risk on your part.