Making the next move ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Making the next move ?
3
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 6:55pm
Alright, I'm in a situation that really confuses me.. help!! For about 3 weeks, I've been dating one of my really good friends. The thing is.. as of late, things have been really dicey. When we first got together, we were together ALL the time, all day everyday. That lasted for about 2 weeks. Then we almost had sex, but didnt, and things have been weird ever since! For about a week and a half now, I've been feeling ignored! He told me last monday (not yesterday, but a week ago) that his schedule at work was going to be really hectic but that he missed me, and all that, but after that one call at the beginning of the week, I got nothing from him. (we talked, but it seems like its always me calling or e-mailing him) He came over Saturday to hang out for about an hour, but other than that, we didnt really see or talk to one another. Then this week approaches and I havent talked to him at all for 3 days. He told me when he came on Saturday that once he was done with work (today is his last day) that we would hang out but I just get the impression, he doesnt want to see me. I might be over-reacting, which is why I'm asking you guys. I know all of his friends (we have all the same ones for the most part) and I know he really is working, then going home like he says he is (he's also having to take care of his younger sister right now who's going through a hard time and cant be left alone).. but I just dont understand why he's not making time for me, ya know? I'm just not sure if I should tell him that we should forget about this whole thing (starting a relationship) or if I should just wait it out.. And if I should wait it out.. for how long?! I dont know what to do!! I'm sorry this is so long.. I'm just confused as to what I should do!! Thanks


Edited 12/21/2005 7:51 pm ET by jdume03
Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 7:27am

Hi jdume and welcome!


Only you can determine if you want to wait for him or not. Have you been together for 3 months or 3 years? That would make a difference to me...


First, have you spoken to him? That would be the first step in my mind. Talk to him and check in with him. Don't accuse, simply ask and let him know what you're feeling.


After that, what I suggest is if you decide to wait it out, then back off. Stop running after him. Give him space. We as women have a tendency to chase our guys when they are taking a step back. Maybe he's overwhelmed, maybe there's things going through his head, maybe he's trying to break it off... only he knows. If it doesn't come out in the convo, then give him lots of space so long as it fits in with the timeframe you've decided on for waiting...


Hope this helps.



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Fri, 12-23-2005 - 12:13pm
I have spoken to him about how I'm feeling, he totally pu-pu's it and says that he does want to be with me, hes just really busy. But my instincts are telling me he's giving me the run around and just doesnt want to seem mean so he's not ending things. As I said, last week when we talked he said that once he was done with work, he would definitly have more time to hang out. Well. that story has changed, he's now really busy with "everything" and said maybe we could hang out after the holidays. The only difference is, he's telling other people "sure I'll hang out, I'm not working, I have all the time in the world!" Yeah...
Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 12-23-2005 - 11:26pm

So then unfortunately, you're gonna have to back off and see what happens. Trust your instincts.


Let us know how it goes.