Man: asking for advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Man: asking for advice
7
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 9:45pm
Ive recently taken a liking to this girl whom I met over the internet (have been hanging out for about 3 months - perfect match) and am seeking some advice... I want to ask her out, but Im not sure if I want to sacrifice this sort of friendship. What should I do to make it sort of subliminal that I want to go out with her and ease into it (Im sort of a shy guy as well)... ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 11:58pm
The friendship you are enjoying is at risk already...did she say that she was looking for epals or that she wanted a boyfriend, or even just friends? if you don't ask her out soon, you risk someone else jumping in ahead of you and then you'll have to hear all about their romance, wait for her to get over it and then you can think about sending out subliminal messages again.?

She likes you...but does she like you in that way? there's only one way to know. and being shy can only take you so far before she just gets bored with waiting for you to get your nerve up...get it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 5:48am
It sounds to me like you're not willing to sacrifice the friendship unless she is... So the first thing you need to do is make your choice. Do you want her as a date or not? Then you have to end this whole "shyness" thing. Being shy is fine but not going after what you want is silly. As women, most of us have been trained to allow the men to make the first steps. When they don't, we assume they're not into us. So chances are that if you don't, then she's going to think you only want her friendship.

There is no such thing as a "sumbliminal" way to ask someone out. You just bite the bullet and do it and take the risks associated with it if you like her in that manner...

I hope this helps. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 2:47pm
Hi, There!

Someone responded to you and said that women expect men to make the first move and if they don't, then they assume the man is not interested in them. I believe that is true with 99% of women. It's very possible that this woman likes you, too, and is just waiting to see if you'll make a move. You need to act quick or else A.) she'll see that you're not interested and eventually let the friendship fade away or B.) someone else will get to her.

I understand that you're shy. You don't have to show up at her place with flowers and profess your love for her LOL! Do you two go out anywhere? If not, ask her to catch a movie with you, have dinner with you, etc. If you two already go out and do things, "up" it a bit and take her to a nice restaurant (not neccessarily expensive)or offer to make dinner for her and have it by candlelight. Also, compliment her and flirt with her. Tell her she looks nice, she has pretty eyes, etc. Smile at her, look into her eyes. Touch her on her hand, her arm, etc. Put your arm around her, hold her hand, etc. If she doesn't resist, she's into you! Best of luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 4:48pm
Are you hanging out in person (I hope)? If so, then how does that come about if you're not asking her out (ie, asking her to HANG out)? Just remember a "perfect match" means you feel the same thing for one another and are looking for all the same things in a relationship. So if you ask her on a date or try to turn this friendship down the path to romance and she turns you down, that means she isn't your perfect match after all, for a romantic relationship.


Edited 4/20/2004 4:53 pm ET ET by zurah
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 10:37pm
Hmm, well it seems that too much time has passed to just try to kiss her. I think I would just be honest with her - just casually, the next time you are together, say something like, "Hey, can I ask you something?"

and she'll say sure..

"you know, I have a great time when we're together - would you like to really go out sometime?"

That way - you leave it casual but give her the idea that you have thought about making it more - if she looks uncomfortable, or says she doesn't think so - you have your answer and you can likely save the friendship because nothing awkward would have happened yet.

good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 9:24am

You can start giving her a few subtle compliments - i.e.: tell her how pretty she looks, that any guy who dates her is lucky...


could be she doesn;t know you think she's a desirable woman, that you consider her just a friend, and that she might be interested in something more.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 1:18pm
I appreciate all of your replies ladies. We have an evening planned out for Friday and I will be "going for the gold" then. Id like to give an idea of what we are doing and you ladies can tell me if its a good idea or not (Ive planned this whole night without her knowing any of the details, just that she'll have some fun)...

10:00pm (i work late and so does she) - catch a flick - she asked about The Punisher so we'll be seeing that.

Midnight (or somewhere there about) - grab a bite to eat at any good looking restaurant is open (unless she points out something different)

1:00am - back to my place to have a little bit of a painting session (I got a fresh canvas with new paints and new brushes and Ive been wanting to paint for/with her since forever).

2-3:00am - take her home and call it a night.

I was thinking about making the move during the painting... any thoughts or suggestions about the night I have planned are definitely welcome!