married man

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
married man
5
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 2:39pm
i am falling for a married man. he is kind and he recently told me he liked me from the first time we spoke about a year ago. Now we talk almost every night. I really like him but i dont want to get caught up. He is showing me the compassion i need right now because i am going through a lot personally. And of course he says his marriage is rapidly going down hill. I feel confused.
Where do i go from here?
what do i do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
In reply to: pqueen44
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 3:00pm

Well you are definitely treading on shaky ground.

If his marriage stinks, he can get out of it. Divorce isn't that difficult and wouldn't you rather have a boyfriend that honored his vows enough to respect his wife NOT to cheat on her??? Because lets face it, if you two get involved how great of a guy can he be if he's a cheater?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
In reply to: pqueen44
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 3:07pm

Haven't you heard about those woman who are mistresses for 5,10-15 years. They keep holding on to the married man they love hoping someday he will leave his wife. Most of the time the men never leave their wife no matter how much they complain about her. They just want to have a woman on the side and they can't come out and say they want sex with you, so they sit there and try to make you pity them - he is going tell you how awful his marriage is, how mean his wife is, he will make up countless excuses as to why he can't leave his wife right now. He will drag it out for as long as you let him.

If you really think this guy is someone you want to be with then I would tell him to give you a call once he is divorced and moved out from his wife. That way you know FOR SURE he won't be staying with her.

If he really is unhappy and if he really wants you, he will leave his wife. If he does not leave her, then you know he never was going to in the 1st place.

Married men use the "my marriage sucks and is going down hill" line just to get in another woman's pants. Everyone knows that.

And if you end up having either an emotional or physical affair with him while he is still with his wife, if you 2 ever do end up together, how will you be able to trust him knowing that cheated on his 1st wife with you?

If you were this man's wife right now, how would you feel if he was talking to another woman and telling her how unhappy he is. Wouldn't you rather your husband come to you and either fix the problems or leave you, instead of going behind your back emotional connecting with another woman and possibly physically cheating on you.

Leave him alone until he is divorced!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
In reply to: pqueen44
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 3:16pm

honey i think you should read the post down below titled " i think i'm preg....but he's married" it's in the general discussion , it's a great post and you could learn alot.

-michelle




Edited 10/21/2004 3:18 pm ET ET by michelle2123
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: pqueen44
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 4:36pm

AMEN....

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
In reply to: pqueen44
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 8:55pm
This is the perfect scenario for "an affair" to happen..you're going through a difficult time and he shows you compassion -beside telling you that his marriage is going "down hill". Can't you see that he's charming you and you like it? The man could turn into a cheater, with you. Turn the plates for a moment and wear his wife's shoes...would you like it if your man talks to another woman every night and tells her that his marriage is going "down hill"? Distance yourself from him and resolve your own issues.