married man relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
married man relationship
3
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:42pm
I'm married and have been seing a married man we have planned to leave our spouses n be together as a normal couple. We were not intimate until i decided to leave my spouse(i was in a abusive relationship for almost20 years). Now he coaxed a lot of my decisions n even though I'm glad i left I don't feel taht i'm in a better situation. He still at home even though the time for him to leave has not come yet it makes it very difficult now bcuz i'm more free than he is. He plans our future together and says we will be together but I;m feeling very confused cuz at this point i'm not sure if i should just walk away and just start new altogether.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 9:10am
Maybe he looks at you as a mistress. Stop having sex with him and see if he still wants you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 9:43am
congratulations on leaving your abusive relationship. I know how hard it is to leave those situations so kudos for that. I think you deserve the very, very best in life. In your shoes, I wouldn't date this guy or anyone else until the divorce was final. Like the other poster suggested, maybe he thinks you're his mistress. Statistically your chances with him are almost nil.

I know it's a painful and raw time, when I went through it someone very wise said to change my perspective and see this time as a time to grow and change my life, to visualize what I wanted for myself. I thought they were nuts, but then I got it. After being in a long term relationship...who are YOU, apart from being someone's wife and someone's mom (if you have kids)...what are YOUR interests, YOUR hobbies, YOUR passions? This is an opportunity to explore the wonderful world of you. Women often let other people define them. Don't let that happen to you, you decide who you are.

When you figure out who you are and what you want (without defining yourself by a man), THEN you are ready to be in a relationship. Not now, not with this man. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 2:25pm
Ok, I fully believe that everyone we meet is for a reason. Now the reason I see that you met this man was to help you get yourself out of an abusive relationship. But now you are in a controlling one, without really seeing it. He's got you where he wants you, and you are better in only one way- you are no longer with your abusive husband. This other guy hasn't left his wife to be with you- didn't you say that was the plan? Well, you got your end done, he's not so quick to move. Now that you are free of one guy, free yourself of the other. You don't need a married man calling the shots- YOU call the shots. Like the other poster said, you are now the full time mistress. You need to walk away from that and find yourself again. 20 years is a long time to be beaten down and you probably don't have a big sense of YOU anymore, am I right? So take this time to be SINGLE, and explore yourself and what you like to do!

Get out of this guy's web and you will see the endless possibitlies. You deserve to be someone's princess, not someone's mistress. Find a guy who doesn't have a wedding band on!

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