married men?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2004
married men?
6
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 11:49pm
How do u know the man u are dating is married? Does it makes any difference if u see him ocassionally? There are no feelings only want to have a "good time"? What is this called?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
In reply to: cakemex
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 1:30am
First of all, if a man IS married, he will not be dating you or anyone for that matter, whether or not he wears a wedding band. That's my opinion of them...at least of the men who honor the choice they have made to be married. That does not mean that they cannot or do not socialize with other women.... but dating?!? I do not have a problem if the person they are dating IS their wife.

But, for the sake of argument, IF the man conceals his status as a married person, then you really can't know unless you ask or you pay attention to any feeling of something "doubtful" about their availability or true intentions. A vague answer, but you have got to be honest with yourself. The one extreme could be that he is "too good to be true" and mistakenly fall for him only to find whatever "truth" later on; which by then would have carried the risk of disappointment and/or hurt. There is no way to predict the outcome of the interaction, so just be cautious and be self aware. Enjoy the company but keep yourself grounded in reality (vs. wishful thinking or fantasies), AND set boundaries. (This of course, assumes, that you don't know if he is INDEED married or not).

I don't believe in "no feelings" that you mentioned in your post. Wanting to have a "good time" IS a feeling/emotion and motivation to continue interacting with this person. If you have no feelings, he will not be "special" and will just be like any other man you see everyday and almost hardly pay any attention to. If you have no feelings, you will not feel emotionally invested or even interested in getting to know him better, as your post implies.

You asked: "What is this called?" Not sure....but the closest I can describe it is flirtation. (Mildly put). But if some part of you knows that he IS married and still want to keep having a "good time," it's called playing with fire. That goes for him too.

What is it? extra-marital affair/adultery.








Edited 3/13/2004 9:50 am ET ET by carmelsf

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cakemex
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 7:58am
To me having sexual contact with a married man or going on a date (except a married person can't date) is moronic, pathetic, and usually selfish as well. You know if a man is married because you ask him, if he is a stranger you do an internet search - you see if he gives you his home phone number and where he lives and works and if you need to you pay for a background search. Separated men - not yet divorced - are also still married so if he is divorced, you can check court records for the divorce decree.

You find out - if you want to find out - and you don't find out - or you claim you didn't know - when you are so desperate to have someone take you out on a date that you'll go after someone else's husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cakemex
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 9:17am
How do u know the man u are dating is married?

***Try asking him. Other signs are that he only gives you a cell phone, you can't call him at home because of x, y, z excuse, he doesn't really take you out in public much, your dates consist of late night bar meetings or hotels, he cancels at the last minute frequently for really good excuses (deaths, working late, etc. too many for one person in a short amount of time), doesn't spend the night, comes at odd hours, etc.

Does it makes any difference if u see him ocassionally?

***It makes a difference if the man is married. You don't "date" married men, its called an affair

There are no feelings only want to have a "good time"?

***So its perfectly acceptable to sleep with a married man as long as you don't have feelings, I'm sure you wouldn't feel that way if it were your husband out sleeping with other women


What is this called?

***If you are sleeping with a married man, its called an affair. If you are sleeping with or dating a non married man, its called DATING! Try to find out which YOU are doing

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2004
In reply to: cakemex
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 10:05am
Thank u for ur response. I have asked if he is married and he says he is separated and has a very good relationship with his wife. He travels because of his job. So, he does not live in the same city. He claims to be a workaholic. So, I really do not know. I do not want to be having an affair.

Thank u again.

cakemex

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cakemex
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 11:00am
Separated is still married - so even if technically it is not a full blown affair dating someone who is still married is typically a very foolish choice - he will want to experience what it is like to be truly single and of course he can still reconcile with/sleep with his wife- it is his wife, after all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2004
In reply to: cakemex
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 11:36am
Thank u deena33

I will consider ur opinion. I just think I have not been thinking! U are right.

Thanks