Maybe gave mixed signals...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Maybe gave mixed signals...
7
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 5:24pm
I have tried to be around this guy, who I decided this summer I really like. So I tried going to his business often and becoming more friendly with him. We did become friendlier, but so far,that's it. Only at the end of the summer did he finally call me by my name, and that seemed like a milestone. He knows a lot of people at his business and he is really friendly. I always hear his customers calling him by name, but I dont always hear him call them by theirs. I wanted to know if I am just another one of the many customers, but at least he finally said it.

Anyway, I did make a move a month ago and invited him to our open house party, which he could not make due to work. And that was ok that he couldn't come, I was so proud of myself for giving him the invitation because I didnt think I had the guts to do it.

But now, I feel, will he ever in a million years ask me to do something? I know he likes me, just dont know how. And I think, have I really been clear about how I feel, I mean, in my actions? I am very insecure and have probably seemed a bit hot and cold to him. I say that cause I get so nervous sometimes that I must act less friendly and other times, I guess when Im feeling more confident or relaxed, I am more outgoing. But I wonder what he really thinks of me. Have I given him mixed signals? Maybe.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 8:04pm
Hi Pene;

It's me again.

Answer to your question, yes, maybe you are giving him mixed signals. Maybe he is unsure how you feel and he probably thinks you're just being friendly towards him and nothing more.

I know what you mean about the hot and cold emotions. I do it too because I'm really shy, particularly around someone I'm very interested in. Come to think of it, the guy I like is that with me also. It never occured to me that maybe he's just as shy towards me as I am towards him. I remember once riding on the elevator with him. I spoke and he didn't answer me. I was so hurt. It was the longest elevator ride of my life. We were in dead silence. I turned my back towards him because I was too embarrased to look at him. I went home and just cried. Well, I saw him again a few months later after that on the elevator, and he was just smiling and talking with me. I kept pulling away from the conversation, and he kept pulling me back in. He was so friendly and talkative and seemed so excited to see me. I saw him again on the elevator the next time and he didn't speak. He just stared at me and as I was leaving the elevator, he leaned close to me and smiled. Thus his behavior makes me wonder also and sometimes, I find myself giving it right back to him.

So, my point is, it can work both ways. I think you probably need to give him a little more nudge. Chat with him a little more when you go into his store, providing he doesn't look to busy. Again, just be patient. He's probably one of those married to his career right now. If you really like him and see there's something there, don't give up. He'll eventually take notice.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 8:59pm
If he had any doubts, your invitation would have cleared those up. If he were interested in you romantically, he'd ask you out. Since he hasn't, I'd assume that he sees the two of you as friendly acquaintances and that's it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 6:41am
Hi Liyahberry,

That is funny, what you described about the elevator rides...That could be shyness...I could see it that way.

THe person who posted after you said that my guy had clear enough signals since I invited him to our open house. Hmph. Yes, I did one thing, but he still could be unsure and I definately have mixed signals from him. He is SO friendly with me and my daughter. I just think about it time and time again, and think, does he really act like that with all his customers? I dont think so. But on the other hand, will we ever see each other outside of his business? I agree with what you said in another post, just try to go in there and be positive when I see him. I know, I could be wrong and he has no intention of doing anything, but my gut tells me otherwise.

Thanks.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 11:24am
Pene, there could be many different reasons why he hasn't responded to your invitation. It could mean he's not interested and it could also mean he was busy and maybe he's hoping you'll invite him out again. Never know.

Yes, be positive. Hold your head up but expect nothing as I do. You can chat with him some more and smile and be friendly. Maybe he'll take bait. You're in the situation and we're not so we do not know what you see and feel.

I still say be patient. If it's to be, then it's all yours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 1:51pm
I think what you should do is just get ballsy. Go in there and ask him out to dinner at some point in time when he would be free. No matter how shy or afraid you are, just act as confident and as nonchalant as possible, as if it's not that big of a deal, but yet, you ARE asking. Then, if he likes you he has no reason to say no. If he says no, you said yourself you wondered if you'd ever see him outside of his business, so you probably wouldn't and therefore, it doesn't matter. either way, by the time you would maybe run into eachother again, you'll have or be interested in someone else and it wouldn't matter. He'll look at you and be like "I should've taken her offer a long time ago" So what u gots to lose??? NOTHING. Just go for it.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 3:14pm
I have to agree with you, Glitterqueen.

I think in Pene's case, she needs to just march right up to him in one gulp and ask him if he's available for lunch or Starbucks. Get it out the way. This way, there is no question. If he turns you down again, it's his loss.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 5:26pm
Well, FWIW, the times that I've asked a guy out (when he's had plenty of opportunity to ask me out and hasn't) and he's said yes, it's turned out to be out of politeness, not because he really wanted to go out with me. So I don't do that any more. I will make my interest clear, but HE needs to ask me out.

Sheri