Maybe a lobotomy would help?
Find a Conversation
Maybe a lobotomy would help?
| Sun, 11-28-2004 - 9:32am |
I still find myself regretting things with my ex. I know we'll never get back together and I know that things didn't work out but I keep finding the blame pointing to me since I did something stupid that helped move the breakup forward. I find that when I'm on long drives or something where my mind can wander, he'll drift into my head and I'll miss him and have that feeling of regret. I work on pushing him out of my head but it bothers me that he even seeps in...
I have dated since him and have found many nice guys but no one I'm really interested in pursuing. I have also recently cut off all contact as I finally realized we could never be friends. Is this seepage and regret normal or should I go for that lobotomy?

Hmmmm if I use Botox, wouldn't it puff my head up like a balloon? LOL.
For both posters, the problem is this is not a recent ex... (Terry may remember this guy.) This is an ex of several years now, that's why I'm worried. We never fully broke communications so I don't know if that had something to do with the fact that I haven't fully healed but I'm worried that I may never "get over it." Is it possible that the relationship just scarred me that that much that now I'm scared about getting involved with others? I do keep my mind busy but my mind keeps allowing him to creep in. So though I was joking about the lobotomy, there's a glimmer of truth in it to... (Don't worry Ter--I won't be performing any home operations.)
So I guess my question becomes: 1) Will I ever get over him and 2) Is there a way to remove the fear so that when I meet new guys, the bad experience doesn't "matter" so to speak?
The key to this is in your post: "we never fully broke communications".
In my experience, you need a no contact period of about half the time you were involved with him (for r'ships of up to about 4 years or so).
Yes, if you stick to no contact and focus on accepting why you're not right for each other (him not standing up to his family, if I recall correctly), then in time you will get over him.
Time is also the answer for your second question, assuming you use the time to get to acceptance, because you'll have accepted that you and your ex aren't right for each other, and will be ready to meet someone who might be right for you.
Sheri
Damn Sheri! You have one helluva memory! I'm impressed. :)
This was the guy before the guy who wouldn't stand up... I'm still friends with the non-standup guy though we have backed off to give each other space to heal. That's been a long-time friendship which I'm sure will remain on some level, even if it's not as close as it used to be.
The guy I'm referring to in this post is the one who I was heads over heel for, who treated me like a princess but who I never met his friends after about 8 months of being together. I displayed insecurity one night and tried to 'trap' him after he had disappeared (not answering phone) while he was at a work function which included an ex-gf who he wasn't completely over... This is the guy that kept coming back, who I kept allowing to come back and we kept 'something' going though it never turned back into what I hoped for...
Your response still applies though. I never really had the months I needed to break away from him emotionally. And though I had asked for that time, he never respected it... would always call 6 weeks later or so. I finally got the message across though and I'm finally at a point where if he does call, I can pick up and say "I told you not to call so please don't. Goodbye."
Thanks for your help. I always find it honest and direct. :)