Meant to be together
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| Sun, 04-29-2007 - 1:13pm |
I'm dating this teriffic guy. I've found my soul mate. It is the best feeling ever. I know we care about each other alot. There are only a few things that I am worried about. He has been engaged before. I dont know why the engagement fell through. It is a really rough topic to talk about. I'm a little bit worried that he won't ever get over his ex fiance. How long should I give him to get over his ex? I love my guy alot and I am willing to give him as much time as he needs but I would like to help him get over this hump. Any ideas?
I know are relationship is very strong and I know we care alot about each other. I get parnoid alot. It has to do with my past relationships. How do I over come this? I dont want to ruin my relationship with my guy.

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skeets4..
Two words from Pianoguy: STOP RUSHING!
You're putting "the cart before the horse" when it comes to a timeframe and your expectations!
If your current soulmate wishes to discuss the reasons why his earlier engagement "caved in"---he'll do that when he's ready! But for now...can't you concentrate on the reasons why you're such A TERRIFIC CATCH?
And also work at eliminating "the paranoia part!" Nothing makes a man more nervous than a woman who is constantly worrying about EVERYTHING!
R-E-L-A-X! Please???
Pianoguy
You don't mention how long ago the engagement ended, but that could be a factor in his getting over the relationship and the hurt associated with it. Have you asked why the engagement ended? Has he given you any indication that he is NOT over his ex? This would be important.
If you have had bad past experiences in this area I can only suggest that you don't discuss your paranoia with him. If the relationship is as strong as you say and you both reinforce that with each other everything should be fine.
Thanks Pianoguy!!
Yea I can wait as long as I need to wait to find out why his past "caved in". I'm just curious why it didn't work out cause I can't figure out why someone would let go of him.
I will concentrate on being a terrific catch.
For sure I will try very hard working on the paranoia part. I dont want to make him nervous at all.
Ok I will relax and just take it day by day!!!
Thanks,
Skeets4
Hi snafu2006,
I dont know how long ago it happened with his ex. I believe it ended late 2005 or the first couple months of 2006. I know last year around christmas time he was up tight and defensive talking about it so I never brought it up. Also he mentioned that his brother talked to him about engagment cause his brother wants to propose to his girlfriend. Yes he has given indications that he isnt over her cause he brought her up a few weeks ago and I believe he has a picture of her on his computer as the wallpaper. A few months ago he mentioned that he finally has his life back in order and ready to move forward. Which is a good sign but he needs to work a little bit harder on getting over his ex. But I dont want to jumps things and make him do something he doesnt feel comfortable doing.
I know a few months ago he was distancing himself and I couldnt figure out why. So I asked him he was like I'm not brushing you off or pushing you away. Im just been busy at work. Which he has been. See we work together.
Thanks for the vote of confidence. Yes we care about each other alot. I will try not to worry about it. I just dont want to lose him at all. He is the best thing that has happened to me. I wanted to leave my vacation so I can come home to see him. I missed him so much. We were both so happy to see each other. It was like when you leave your pet for a long time and you come back home and your pet SO happy to see you and wants to be with you. That is how we were with each other.
"I believe he has a picture of her on his computer as the wallpaper." - did he take it off???? I can relate to this one. When I began dating my first ex husband, I was a rebound because his girlfriend up at college broke up with him about a month or two before we met when he told her that his father had cancer. He and I went to the same High School and our paths crossed in a very outside kind of way, but we never actually spoke to each other until that summer when we met in the Hamptons during college. We always thought it was strange that we never met and spoke earlier in our lives, but anyway, back to the picture of the ex. He had a picture of his old Dodge Charger with his, now, ex girlfriend posing with it over his bed. I dont know how many months it took for him to take the picture off the wall (he said he loved his CAR so much - custom painted - black and gold like the Starsky and Hutch car design) but it was kind of weird having sex with him with her above us. Eventually he took it off. Funny...I hear his second wife had a similar experience to my picture somewhere in his apartment when she was dating him after our divorce.
"Yes he has given indications that he isnt over her " - that has to hurt.
"A few months ago he mentioned that he finally has his life back in order and ready to move forward." - that is encouraging.
"I just dont want to lose him at all. He is the best thing that has happened to me." - **sigh** I haven't felt that way in a very long time. You know, if more people were loved by people like you, maybe there wouldn't be so much violence inthe world and hatred being spewed every which way.
"It was like when you leave your pet for a long time and you come back home and your pet SO happy to see you and wants to be with you. That is how we were with each other." - now that's special!!! :)
But how do you know you two are meant to be? When I first fell in love with my first husband I really believed that he and I were meant to be, but clearly we were not meant to be. My second ex husband and I were very not meant to be because I'm gonna put him in jail.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence" - keep it going because obviously your love and patience is working and he's coming around. The breakup occured long enough ago for him to move forward. It's tough when you work together because you can't let people see how you really feel sometimes.
Hi Snafu2006,
No he didnt take it off. Wow you have something similar to my situation. Sorry to hear that.
"Yes he has given indications that he isnt over her " - that has to hurt. Yes it did hurt and it still bothers me.
But how do you know you two are meant to be? We have everything in common from our childhood to our adult life. Same vacation spots(started going to the same area at the same time, our parents personality are the same, we like the same thing, he use to be a teacher and I use to be a teacher, same goals in life, same outlook in life etc... its like dajavu.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence" - keep it going because obviously your love and patience is working and he's coming around. The breakup occured long enough ago for him to move forward. It's tough when you work together because you can't let people see how you really feel sometimes. --- yea it is very hard to work with someone. Especially now. I dont know what to do. Its seems like everything is going great and all of sudden now we hardly talk to each other and see each other at work. Its like hes voiding me. I dont get it. Today was the first time I really had a decent conversation with him. I told him I havent talked to him much lately. It was silence for a few seconds which felt like minutes. Then he was talking about work which he stated he has been trying to catch up on things from being back up for someone at work. I understand but I have emailed him and all he could of done is emailed me back and said he was busy. So I am thinking something is up and he is voiding me. I did give him the benefit of doubt cause that is the type of person I am but in the back of my mind I'm so confused like what is going on etc... I dont want to lose him but we need to communicate better with each other. It takes two people to work in a relationship and just not one person. So after this afternoon when we were able to talk without anyone around he seemed distant which isnt like him at all. So I just dont know what to do. I have thought about keeping my distance basically giving him his space and see what happens from there. I did talk to a friend of mine. She was said the same thing by giving him his space and see what happens then but deep down inside I know its not right but I dont know what else to do. Its a hard thing to talk about at work with each other cause we work together. Don't want to make it awkard for the both of us. My friend who I talked to said she has wanted to say what the heck is up with you? I told she can. I doubt it she will. Its just wierd that everyone at work and my friends all see how we are and how much we like each other and care about each other.
A friend of mine invited both of us to her birthday party this coming Friday. I told my friend that he will probably be going up north to go fishing with his dad which is fine. I did mention it to him but he really wants to go fishing. I also told him that I just wanted you to know that we were invited to it.
I'm just so confused on things. Why he is distancing himself and how I should handle this.
Yea I can cover over to his house and talk to him. He will probably just tell me that he is busy with work. Which I know he has been busy but its starting to get old news. (I guess I am to the point where I have had it. He's not the type that likes to talk about his problems especially relationship issues. He tends to get very up tight about it all. I think the reason he gets up tight talking about it cause of his past with his ex fiance.
"What to do about you?" To be honest with you I dont know what I should do. Today was the first day that I didnt talk to him on email, phone or in person. It felt weird not talking to him but in away it felt kinda good. I think I needed my space and to show him that I am not happy with him. We did see each other in the far away in the hallways but I just acted like I didnt see him. I believe he's getting the hint that I am not happy with him.
"He is making things difficult." Yes your right he is making things difficult. Why do guys do that? I just did get.
"Do you feel more comfortable putting your feelings in an email?" Yes I would feel more comfortable talking about my feelings in an email. I feel I can put more of my feelings in writing than talking about it. I do have a hard time talking about my feelings face to face. That's just how I am. I have a tendency to hold everything in and deal with things on my own. It has alot to do with my past especially growing up in a house hold where the parents are fighting all the time and a father that is mentally abusive. But I dont think I would be able to send it cause I dont want to make it more uncomfortable at work. I can put my feelings on an email but not send it. If that makes sense.
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