meeting an online love

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
meeting an online love
8
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 7:14pm

A friend and I live in Georgia and She has met someone online who lives in PA. She is going to meet them in person a few days after Christmas.

She has been talking to this person for about a month (chatting online and on the phone) and they have both told each other many times that They love each other. They even been making plans for my friend to move there this summer

My question is what should She expect when she goes to meet her in a few weeks? What if the chemistry just isn't there? should She be meeting them this soon and should She already be saying she's in love and talking about moving there this summer?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 8:58pm
Your friend should be very careful. She doesn't know this person at all. She's been talking online and on the phone and building a person out of this info. It's possible that they're both infatuated with each other and they fantasize about love, but I doubt that they're in love with the true person. They're in love with what they know about each other. Having an online relationship is risky, as there is no certainty of true information given out. When they meet, they should do it in a public place and never go in private. Your friend doesn't know if this person is a murderer, rapist, kidnapper or worse. She doesn't know anything about this person. I wonder why your friend is the one making the trip? Why is not the other person willing to travel and meet her in a familiar place to her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 10:11pm

I have been asking my friend these questions, and telling her that she truly does not know this person..... and it has lead to some arguements between us... such as "you're not happy for me" "you don't want me to move" etc. I am happy that she has found someone...just concerned that she might be putting the cart before the horse as it were

I asked my friend why it has to be her that travels (and she's planning on Traveling ALONE and staying with this woman AT HER HOUSE for five days)and she says that she wants to meet this woman by herself without having a "third wheel" along so to speak. The woman in PA has conveniently also told her friends that they will have to make themselves scarce for the time my friend is there....which also alarms me (if someone were coming to meet me that I have been talking to and viewed as a potential partner, I would want to show them off LOL)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sun, 12-12-2004 - 9:59am
The PA woman seems older and more experienced than your friend. It's possible that this woman wants to hook up with your friend and that's it. It happens you know, there are predators all over the net. Your friend is infatuated and she'll do whatever she wants, she thinks she loves this woman. Given that you're worried about her safety, she thinks that you're jealous. You can't control her actions and can't make her think a bit more about this. All you can do is support her and be there for her when it all crumbles down and she comes to you crying. Ask her to give you the address and number in PA just in case. If she doesn't call you then you know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Sun, 12-12-2004 - 11:06am

Everyone that I have talked to (both in person and on these message boards) have said different variations of this same theme: my friend should be careful, its not real love etc and yet they're not even in the situation and seem to know exactly what's going to happen? What is it about love or what we think is love that makes us blind to what would otherwise be plainly obvious?

How am I supposed to support her but still be concerned without her knowing it?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-12-2004 - 12:09pm

Well, personally I think showing your concern about both her physical safety and emotional wellbeing IS supporting her. But, once you've made your suggestions regarding safety, all you can do is say, "well, you know I think you could be going about this more prudently, but I want you to be happy and I hope things work out."

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Sun, 12-12-2004 - 12:48pm
I wish that she would see things that way instead of seeing my attitude as being jealous. I do want this to work, but there are specific details about this situation that have lead me to believe that its not going to work, and have me very alarmed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sun, 12-12-2004 - 1:06pm

Part of being a good friend is also allowing your friend the space to make their mistakes. You've said your piece, the only thing I might do if I were in your situation is to tell her you're concerned for her safety and to please give you all contact information as well as asking her to stay in a hotel as opposed to the woman's home.

Hope this helps.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Sun, 12-12-2004 - 5:38pm

I have spoken about that too... and my friend (she's a lesbian) said " if this were a man I was going to meet, then yes I would be worried and would take someone along with me" which seems totally jaded to me...

and then theres this woman's ex girlfriend.....always calling and showing up at her house etc.... saying that she could win the woman in PA back since my friend lives so far away