Meeting ppl/dating is so frustrating!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
Meeting ppl/dating is so frustrating!
4
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 11:11pm
Hello!

Never posted on this board before, but I just felt like a general musing about the dating world and wondered if other ppl felt the same way I do.

It's been 5 months on the singles circuit and I've realized that this is a frustrating little game. I find that meeting guys is difficult, as most guys my age (22 yrs) only want 1 thing. I think I have super bad luck or something with dating b/c all the "nice, decent guys" I've had the pleasure of running across recently has turned out to either not work out due to outside factors or turn horribly wrong. There was 1 guy who swore he'd call me but then didn't b/c he lives an hour away (understandable). There was another super nice guy I met from another country (no need to elaborate). There was another super super nice guy who I went out with once only to realize I had the chemistry of a sibling with him. Then there are the countless aggressive guys in bars who so obviously just want to get laid. Then there is the product of this weekend: actually met a VERY nice guy who I had great chemistry with at a club and we had a fabulous time together. Gave him my number, very positive things were working out well. Until I had the luxury of being incredibly intoxicated (no lectures, I know this is my own stupid fault) and throwing up on him by accident as we were saying goodbye (I literally needed 15 more seconds before he would have been gone). He was gracious when I apologized, but needless to say, I know that he is not going to call me.

The point is, is it just me who feels that this dating/meeting people thing a very frustrating game? Is it just me who thinks I have horribly bad luck with the opposite sex or do others feel the same way about themselves?

Trying not to get jaded, but boy oh boy, there are some days I'm pretty sure I'll never meet anyone and I'll wind up alone.

How do you keep on trucking when you keep getting slapped in the face with horribly bad luck, rejection and crazy random occurrences (such as the throwing up part) that just screw you over?

I'm curious...

Thanks for listening :-)

T.G.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 6:45am
Basically, if your priority is to get so drunk you get sick, you're not going to meet the kind of men who have interests other than hanging out at bars and drinking. I also think it's a mistake to go out only once with someone you really like - give it 4 dates to see if chemistry develops. When I was 22 I was dating my future fiancee (I ended up breaking the engagement) and in my teens/20's I had no problem meeting men who treated me like a lady and who were solid and stable - I did the club scene back then but not all the time and I did not get drunk, ever. I've met many men who just want to get laid, but I don't date them. My suggestion is to find interests outside of the bars - join the backstage crew of a community theater organization, take french or tennis or dance lessons, etc -

This is not about luck - it is about your choices and where you go to meet people and your interests and activities.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 7:47am
Well, have you thought about meeting people through other methods - school, work, volunteer, hobbies... Maybe you're meeting people you don't want to date because you're not going to the right places? Have you thought about online dating? You can read profiles and screen through email before meeting anyone. Maybe filter out some creeps?

Well, best of luck. Don't give up hope yet. It's always darkest before dawn. You'll meet someone soon. Stay positive, good things will happen...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 11:45am
You keep mentioning "horribly bad luck" but what happens to us in life is mostly just consequences of our own choices, bad or good. Take responsibility for yourself, the roads you're choosing, the choices you're making and what happens to you. There is a small element of luck in meeting someone who's right for you. But choices play a much bigger role in it IMO.

Also, dating is a journey to learn about yourself and others. At 22, you've only just begun, so strap yourself in for what could be a long ride. At your age, you have a lot to learn about yourself and others, and interpersonal relationships. Just keep a positive attitude and enjoy yourself, but learn from each experience. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 12:47pm
Of course, you are entitled to your own feelings about dating. I'm sorry it's been a frustrating experience for you. But I agree with the other posters... some of your "bad luck" with the guys you're meeting might be a result of where you're meeting them. You're going to meet a disproportionate number of playboys and "hounds" if you're hanging out in bars. There are other activities and ways to meet people.

Someone has aleady suggested Internet dating, and that is certainly an option for you. But I am a few years past 22 and, well, put it like this: we didn't have the Internet when I was your age... and I had no trouble getting dates. So how did we meet guys in the Stone Age?? Mostly through school, work and mutual friends. People threw more parties back then. Of course, I went to my share of clubs and bars, but I can honestly say that I have dated only one man I met at a bar in my entire life.

You might try having a party and get your friends to invite as many new guys as possible.

And make sure people at work (or school) know you're looking for a nice guy. One of your co-workers might have a nephew or next door neighbor that she could fix you up with.

But watch the drinking. You don't want to gain a reputation (unfairly) of being a "party animal" and someone not to be taken seriously.