Men and Embarrassing topics?!?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2007
Men and Embarrassing topics?!?!?
14
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 11:34pm
OK. I don't want to come across as a prude or anything but I really need to know if anyone else is or has experienced this. I am in my 40s and the last 3 men I have dated all have this in common: they have no problem discussing BODY FUNCTIONS right off the bat. I mean, there are some things that need to come with time, some topics that are just a bit too intimate to talk about until you know somebody a while, right? I had a man on the 3rd date, after a nice dinner in a very nice restaurant, COMPLAIN OF GAS. One fellow emailed me after leaving my house and told me of his frequent trips to the BATHROOM. I am starting to take this a little personal!! I am VERY proper in my discussions, never EVER refer to anything pertaining to BODY FUNCTIONS, and am actually quite embarassed when this occurs! These are not kids, mind you. One guy is 54!!! Am I coming across as SO comfortable to be with, that men feel they can just blurt out their latest bowel problem??? AM I TOO SENSITIVE???? Should I say something?? I mean, I am so embarrassed I can't even talk to my best friend about this. Is this a deal breaker? I mean, I just am totally perplexed about this. The guy I am writing about mainly is a successful businessman, good dresser, very mannerly, well-spoken, traveled, and for the most part a gentleman....UNTIL HE TELLS ME HE HAS GAS. I really need some replies, and please keep in mind that while this is funny, it really bugs me!!!

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Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 7:56am

OK, this would gross me out too. I've never experienced this, but I know I would find it offensive. Even after I've been with someone a while, I really don't want to know about their bowel habits unless I need to drive them to the hospital or something. I'm not a prude or uptight, but hey, let's try to keep a little mystery going here.

I don't know...could you say something like, "Too Much Information, Bill."? Or, throwing up your hands and saying with a light touch, "Please, I don't need to know this!"

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 10:04am

You are not alone. Your story reminds me of a time that I was in my, then, boyfriend's apartment and we just ate some chili with one of his friends. They felt it was appropriate to have a farting contest in front me. How do you like that? We're not just TALKING about gas, we are EXPERIENCING their gases.

Men like talking about their bodily functions. They like sitting in bathrooms for hours, reading a newspaper inhaling their bodily functions. They are "one" with their bowels. Their bowels mean so much to them that I had to endure going to a movie then a dinner - not the other way around - for about 6 years because my second ex husband would not do dinner then movie. Why? Because he might have a bowel movement. And then the world comes to an end.

If it bothers you, then you just need to remind them that they are sharing more info than you deem required.

As women we were raised to never discuss such things, as they are not "ladylike". I remember a time where men wouldn't even be allowed in the bathroom with a woman while she was getting ready for their date, as that would reveal too much and would not lend itself to romance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 5:12pm

Sounds like you've hit the jackpot. I'd probably be pretty annoyed too.

It's one thing if you've been an item for a while and your partner wants to discuss how last night's steak didn't go anywhere. Quite another, to be on a first (or third) date and learning about the inner workings of your date's colon.

About all I can say is, try to see the humor and keep on lookin'! Of course, you could always bring up the subject of your monthly discomforts....




Edited 4/16/2007 5:14 pm ET by happyjustme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2007
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 5:13pm
Oh I mean REALLY. When this happens it changes my entire opinion of the guy! I am thinking "Wow, this guy is so nice. He's polite, mannerly, respectable. He takes me to the best restaurants in town." Excuse me, what's that you said?? Oh, he has GAS FROM DINNER. Well there goes any glow. Perhaps if I just make myself not so available, then he'll get the message. I guess it could be worse. Thanks for replying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 5:28pm
hey debbie24014, everyone has their own list of deal breakers. A guy telling me he got gas from dinner is not a deal breaker. What was a deal breaker to me was, again, the second ex husband making sure his diet was putrid when it came to expelling gas. He purposely ate tons of broccoli and drank lots of beer. Then he would fart all over me in bed, and then wondered why I didn't find him attractive anymore. I asked him to take Beano, but he wouldn't. A guy mentioning he doesn't feel well is different than what I experienced. He did do that to me on purpose so that I would eventually have an affair so he could sue for divorce and make off with a little spare change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2007
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 10:38pm

hi

we were all raised in a different type of family culture. when i was younger, I was raised that you call whatever body part in question by its proper name. when my grandpa was around, he could not talk about sex or farting in a clinical context or else his face would turn red. it used to be against the law to say "breast" on TV. I think your problem may be not what the guys say, but how they say it. I think what you may be objecting to is that the men you do or have interacted with always felt a need to tell people "I have gas" or "pardon me. I farted" or something like that. now, there are 2 ways to look at this. one is to say "gosh, I wish he would be a little more tactful or not mention it at all" or you can say that he i being a gentleman by giving you fair warning about his physical / scatological issue just in case you smell something unusual. so would you rather a guy be more tactful and just not mention it? if so, that makes perfect sense. when I am around women I only discuss medical issues in a normal clinical sense if the subject comes up. but usually it's common sense that if you are trying to charm a woman, the last thing you should mention is farting. and it seems to me that they are either inept or just so comfortable with you that they think it is no big deal/

Dave

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 3:18pm
If you like him otherwise you should say, look i'm sorry i think you're a great guy and i enjoy spending time with you but it makes me uncomfy when you talk about body function issues. We dont know each other that well yet and it's not exactly romance-inducing talk
,
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2007
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 6:27pm
Although I can totally understand that these men sharing...err, private details of their bodily functions right off-the-bat is not typical, they must feel comfortable with you which is a plus. If the men persist, or go into way TOO much detail then I would suggest subtlely changing the subject. If he doesn't get the hint and keeps blabbering a polite and deliberate commment in reference to how you aren't feeling comfortable just yet w such open talk could be a last resort- although it could temporarily put a damper on the mutual comfort level. Good luck! Maybe try holding back a little with personal info. about yourself so that the date-ee will have a lesser chance of divulging too much info :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2006
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 7:43pm
I have to say, I agree that there should be a little mystery between people. I always found my bathroom habits and body functions to be private issues, I would never openly discuss them with anyone. I'm not a prude by any means. I just mean, it's just not romantic, as was pointed out.
My ex husband was very open about everything. He belched, farted, discussed how horrible the bathroom smells after he'd been in it, discuss how certain foods gave him the 'ring of fire'. (for those new to that expression, it's pretty self explanatory.) If I was in the bathroom for a few minutes longer than normal, he would ask me if everything 'came out all right' or take a whiff and say 'he could beat that any day'.
For me, that was a deal breaker. I'm just not going to feel that longing for someone who can lift his cheek after supper and let one fly.
My new husband is much more private about these issues, as am I. There is some mystery. We are very open about our sex life, but what happens in the bathroom, stays in the bathroom. And he is very considerate about using the Lysol spray, without having to discuss exactly what it smelled like.
No, you aren't being too sensitive. I can see where you are coming from.

Farmer's wife and mother of four, blessed and grateful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 8:53pm
I have found this to be true with men discussing sex in more graphic detail...why is it that men need those images to get turned on more than women? I dont mean to generalize, but guys like suggesting what they want you to do to them....more openly than women. Why is that they are wired differently?

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