men crying

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
men crying
4
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 5:21pm
Hello Dr. Doyenne,

I have a wonderful loving, caring boyfriend who would do anything for me. He's what I always wanted. He's not 100% perfect, nor do I expect him to be. But there is one thing about him that I'm wondering if its normal, or if he's the only guy who does this...but he cries when he's weak. Not for everyday life, not for the things that are difficult in life, but when it comes to love, he's weakness is his heart. He cries when we have to say goodbye for 3 months at the airport and he has cried out of frustration involving the distance in our relationship. But it makes me feel like a man because when I hear or see him cry I almost feel embarrassed, so I cant even cry if I tried. I feel its a woman's place to cry more often than men or maybe I'm stereo typing...but its just seems more acceptable that way.

I've never seen a man cry like he does and I know a little part of it is that he is Italian, born and raised in Italy. They are definitely more emotional on the outside then most Americans...

Anyways, I need help in trying to understand this...any ideas or views of what I have said about the "crying" ?????

Sincerely,

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
In reply to: ipupa
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 5:35pm
what are you upset about? ure boyfriend truly loves you to be able to show his weak side infront of you. he thinks you love him and has opened himself by being so vulnerable infront of you and then you do question his masculinity? im sorry but you are stereotyping. this is what most girls want...so count your blessings and enjoy yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
In reply to: ipupa
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 9:36am


Thank you for your response. WhatI think is abnormal is the way he cries. Its not a sniffle here and there...he cries hard. I just think it reflects on his strength to handle his emotions and was just thinking that it would cause problems later on in our relationship or if this is coming from something else inside him. I didnt mea to sound like I questined his masculine side..but maybe i was a little..
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
In reply to: ipupa
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 5:16pm
i didnt mean to come across all harsh. it just seems like the perfect relationship! maybe there is an issue in his past as to why he is so sensitive? my boyfriend cries as well...but i know for a fact that im really the only person he does that infront of, coz he knows he can be vulnerable around me without me judging him, which is where my response stems from. i think u really have got a good thing going. i know that when my boyf cries it makes my heart melt. the only thing is, why does it stop you from crying> a relationship doesnt have to follow the stereotypical rules. you can both be weak sometimes, that makes you strong together. does that make any sense? i think you should stop fretting...and take each day as it comes. what have your friends said about this matter? talk to you soon!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
In reply to: ipupa
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 9:44am
I totally understand your point. I wish that I felt comfortable as you do when my boyfriend cries but it just makes me want to run far far away when he looses it..I think Ive always had the strong man roll model which I tend to prefer in general. It makes me feel protected versus scared that he will break down or something..but this is all my perspective and I know its probably a little harsh or sounds hard. But he is wonderful in every other way with me, so why cant I see past all of this..its a struggle that I dont know how to handle or even talk about. My friends understand about why I would feel the way I do, especially since I told him that I have heard him cry pretty vocal and they were like, WHAT??

But I have one friend who feels just like you do...I agree with both of you as well as my other friends. But cant seem to agree within me to know how I really feel about it. Does that make sense ? I feel like, " Am I being to hard" or "Do I really expect to find someone perfect" because I know I wont...does that make sense?