mess up

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
mess up
4
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 5:40pm
I think I messed up when I emailed this guy I have been seeing for 11 weeks now. We have never talked about "us" or our feelings towards one another. I wanted to let him know how much I enjoy my times with him and that he's a great person plus how I always look forward to seeing him and how I am fortunate to have met a guy like him. I also explained to him in the email that I wanted to let him know all of this at the end of our last date but was too nervous to express to him. I know now that e-mailing is a cop-out/impersonal way of expressing how I feel towards him and I may have made a big deal about this by telling letting him know my nervousness. It's just that I'm not real good with relationships and not real good at communicating how I honestly feel (did not tell him this). I get nervous around him because of my insecurities from my past dating experiences(too much baggage?)and I like him alot.

We have been moving very slow. Both of us are new to long term relationships and we are both in our 30's. I haven't been in a long term relationship in ten years and he's never been in one. Both of us haven't dated much either. He's a bit shy and reserved but on our last date he wanted to give me "the kiss" after our date but I didn't let myself get fully into it because I got a little confused by some of his actions that night and pulled away a little. I think I may have confused him by reacting to the kiss.

It's been a sweet relationship. So far, at the end of our dates we kiss each other on the cheeks or a peck on the lips and/or a hug. I have to admit that I have been the one holding back on the physical part. He has made advances at the end of our dates but I get nervous and hold back at times. I would like to move our relationship to the next level(not sex) and see if this is going to be a long term serious relationship. We have been seeing each other twice a week since our first month dating and it has been very nice.

Now I am just waiting here for a response from him. I don't know what he thinks now. Should I call him and talk to him about it or should I just leave it alone and wait for him to call and bring it up? I wrote him yesterday and our last date was the night before. I don't know if I am making a big deal about this. I really like this guy. I like him more as I am get to know him better.

Please advise and thanks in advance for reading and your insights.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: faithhopelove86
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 7:26pm
Relax, you're just feeling nervous. Don't call him, let him call you. Give him time to read the email and figure out how to respond. Sometimes it's easier to say in an email or on paper something we can't get out when we're with the person. Don't push him for a response, he'll talk about it in his own time in his own way.

When he does call, you can ask him if he got your email, but I wouldn't push for anything more.

I hope that it works out for you. It's always hard to open up about our desires for fear that the other person won't accept them. But you have to take the first step somehow.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
In reply to: faithhopelove86
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 2:46pm
Thank you for your encouragement and your advice. This is a big step for me. Your advice has helped me put things in better perspective. I suppose someone has to bring this up sometime. I just wish it wasn't me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
In reply to: faithhopelove86
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 3:58pm
ooops!!


Edited 8/23/2004 4:03 pm ET ET by jens128
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
In reply to: faithhopelove86
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 4:04pm
I haven't heard from him. I was hoping that he would at least respond to the email I sent him last week but he hasn't. It is unsual for us for not have contact with one another for five days now. I want to call him and see how he is and maybe discuss the email. Should I call or should I wait? I don't want to pressure him and yet at the same time I don't want him to think I don't care. There is so much I want to say to him and do for him but I am afraid I may have frustated him and turned him away. I just don't know what is appropriate. Please advise. Thanks.