This message is for Pianoman, mainly
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| Thu, 06-22-2006 - 4:30pm |
Hey. I met this really great guy (again) on Friday. I used to be a waitress at a certain place and he'd always buy from me. Now I no longer work there and we hit it off.
So, he invites me on a trip to a certain place (3 hours away from where we stay) on Saturday and I agree. I'm attracted to him but didn't want to start imagining wedding bells and wedding rings that soon!!! I just thought "Hey, a cool guy to hang out with! And who knows what may happen?
He also admitted on Friday that he saw me on a certain dating website. Mentions that he took his profile off a while ago and when will I do the same? I say that I was considering doing just that.
So, he picks me up and we make our way there.
We talked about everything. Everything. But, I could feel the mutual attraction.
And then he drops the bomb... He's got a long-distance girlfriend, who he's gonna see by flying to London on Sunday.
I honestly couldn't think of anything to say except "Oh". When we arrived at the place, he was trying to kiss me on several occasions. He took me out for dinner and mentioned that on the next date, we can go to a certain place. I acted surprised as I didn't realise we're on a "Date"!! On the way back home, he also tried to kiss me. We finally kissed at his flat and then we went to my flat to continue. But it remained only kisses. Nothing else. Didn't allow him to grope my body.
I like him. That's the problem. He's everything I'd like in a guy. Pianoman, be brutal to me. Oh. I logged onto the dating website on Sunday to find that he's still got his profile up!
Should I bother to remain hopeful until he returns from London on the 20th July and see how things go? Or just continue my search/non-search?

hi venige...
PG has "chicken cooking in the oven", but wanted to get to your post before signing out of ivillage for the day!
Here's my question:
"How do you feel about sharing the same man with another woman?" "Or perhaps 2...or 3 other women who reside in different countries?"
I realize there are ladies in ivillage who believe in open relationships? This is when both partners can date (or do whatever they want with) as many people as they choose? As long as both halves of a couple have the same 'mindset'---an open relationship ISN'T a problem. However...
Most of us PREFER a one man/one woman situation. Simply because that's the person WE CAN USUALLY COUNT ON DURING GOOD TIMES & BAD...and love unconditionally---knowing that this person loves US just as much!
Hate to cast a dark shadow on your affection for this man, but it's entirely possible that you've become "his flavor of the month?" But ask yourself one more question:
"What happens when July and August arrive?" Will this man be faithful to "ONLY YOU?" Or will he 'globe trot' with other women residing throughout the rest of the world?
And even more important...are you willing to let him...no matter how much (you think) you love him?
Pianoguy
Not PG, but I agree with what he said and would add this...
Ok....he's got a girlfriend (where, is not relevant) AND he's got a profile on a dating site AND he's taking you out and kissing you AND he didn't tell you these things till after he invited you on the trip. That says a lot to me about his character and I'm not getting "really great guy" anywhere in there. Is that honestly "everything like in a guy"?
You allowed him to kiss/attempt to kiss you after he disclosed all these things.
I think you need to forget about him and set your standards higher.
Hi
Thank you. Yes, you're right, all of you. I was obviously ruled by lust when I allowed him to kiss me.
I felt quite bad for doing so.
And no, I meant that otherwise he's a really cool guy.
Oi Vai
AND...he told you he'd taken his dating profile down and it's not down. So on top of being a cheater, he's a liar.
ugh. You deserve soooo much better, no?
<< And then he drops the bomb... He's got a long-distance girlfriend, who he's gonna see by flying to London on Sunday.
I honestly couldn't think of anything to say except "Oh". >>
Rather than "oh" ... how about "I don't date guys who already have girlfriends!"
Where she is doesn't matter. If he's "too lonely" to maintain a LDR, then he should break up with his GF and then date other women. That's what an honorable, GOOD GUY would do.
But, since she's long-distance and would likely never find out, he's gonna see what he can get away with. Very unfair to his GF, who probably wouldn't approve of his dating others while she's in London.
So, rather than keep his status a secret to you or others he may date, he's upfront about it ... that doesn't mean that he should get some sort of kudos for being honest. That's just his way of appeasing his guilt about it ... because, if you go along with it, he doesn't have to feel AS guilty about cheating on his GF.
Sorry, but ... I'd tell him to shove it and put this turd back in the dating pool. Whether he keeps his site up or not isn't the point. The point is ... do you want to date a guy who has a GF?! What does that say about his character?
Good luck!