Met this girl BUT, call, mixed signals?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Met this girl BUT, call, mixed signals?
12
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 5:49pm
I went out with some friends last nite to a local club. I seen an old friend from about 5 years ago that i used to hoop with. He had some hot babe with him. I went up to him and talked to him, and she introduced herself to me. I did'nt know if they were together, so i asked him, and he says that she is just a friend and that she has a bf. He lives almost 2 hours away. They were suppose to get together with other friends (circle) but it ended up being just them 2 - this is what she said

The night went on, and me and her made eye contact from distance. She basically danced with him the whole nite while i was dancing with others. I didnt see any physical contact between them the whole night. Later on that evening, another friend walked in from years ago, and i started talking to her, while the 2 other guys were talking together, since they havent seen eachother in years also. She revealed that she doesnt have a bf and that they broke up 6 months ago. He started getting into drugs and gangs etc...

She was touching me the whole time, basically with her arm against mine. Neither of us removed are arms.The convo was great. Assuming she was single, I ended up asking for her number, and she says "sure", so i gave her my cell and she inputed it right in front of him. If she was with this guy, she wouldnt have gave me her # right in front of him right? He had this look on his face like he was upset. She said she grew up with him. Thats why they know eachother, so i said cool. We kept talking, and he interrupted and asked her to dance again. She placed her hand on my chest and says "it was very nice to meet you"

So they went and danced. The night ended and she couldnt even say goodbye, but she kept looking at me. I talked to my friend and he was cool about it, not showing any action in why i got her #. They both got into they're separate cars and left, and i left with my friends.

i dont know if i should call her today. Sounded like she was throwing me mixed signals? I was thinking of laying low and call her tommorrow for lunch? What do you think? I dont want to come off as too desperate like i dont have a life or something, but dammmm i want her! Im not into playing games. Thinking about calling her later on today to see if she wants to go out to a club just to hang out kinda. Maybe lunch later on this week or something? Input? I dont want to get put into the friendship zone

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 6:35pm
I would call her tomorrow and ask her out for *dinner* for late next week (lunch or hanging out at a club are too ambiguous; asking her out for dinner says it's a DATE).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 7:22pm
I tend to agree with Sheri. However, I would proceed pretty cautiously. There's a fine line, I think, between flirting with someone because you're interested, and flirting with someone because you know THEY are interested, in which instance it becomes game playing. The mixed signals would make me wary for that reason.

But...she willingly gave you her number in front of the others, so she's obviously keen on some level. Ask her for the dinner date. I think you'll find out soon enough if you're compatible, or if there's potential.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 7:51pm
So straight to dinner? What's wrong with coffee or lunch? We did'nt speak that much - maybe 5-10 minutes total
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 8:05pm
Dinner doesn't have to be all serious with candles et al, and doesn't have to stretch late into the night. You can have an earlier, more casual dinner (6.30pm?), which allows you to either continue it afterwards (I'm talking going for a walk, or to go do something else just the two of you), or if it doesn't go so well, the night's still young enough to go do your own thing.

I'd suggest dinner over lunch simply because it's sometimes harder to talk over a lunchtime crowd, which is generally louder, with people talking on phones and still doing business over their food.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 8:18pm
You specifically said you didn't want to get stuck in the so-called "friend zone". That means you should ask her out on a date that signals that you have romance in mind. Dinner does that. Lunch or coffee CAN do that, but doesn't do so as clearly.

If you want her to have no doubt in her mind as to your intentions, ask her out for dinner at nice place (but it need not be expensive...it's the atmosphere and type of place that counts, not how much it costs), pick her up (if she feels comfortable with that...she may not), pay for her, etc.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 4:58pm
3-5 days builds anxiety. Wait 3-5 days. It shows ya have a life.....call too soon and you'll come off as a desperate man. Good things come to those who wait. It takes a women time to grow onto you so be patient. Call her monday or tuesday and set up a date for next weekend. She'll have to wait but that's good. Your just showing her your a busy man with a life. They may think your playing games, but can they actually prove it?

If she flakes on you........NEXT her.. You have nothing to lose
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 6:10pm
I agree! Wait a few days. Patience is a virtue when used wisely and this would be a perfect example.

She likes you and you can bet, she is waiting for your call and will be happy to hear your voice when you do call her. There is that chance you'll get her voicemail. Just leave a message stating who it is and your #, and too call you back. That's it. When you get her voice, ask her out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 11:12pm
If you want to call her, call her. Don't do all that waiting crap like the guys suggested. We DON'T like it. We'd rather you just ring if you wanna ring. Who needs all that game playing garbage? Everybody knows there's some stupid rule to wait. You think women don't know you're just playing by that dumb rule? It doesn't make us more keen, it just shows you think you have to play games like everyone else because everyone else expects you to. We'd rather have a guy who thinks for himself than a sheep who thinks he has to conform to the rest of the flock.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 11:14pm
Well i called her tonite and of course i was going to get her voicemail. (it was her #)

I only spoke with her for about 5 minutes friday night. I left a message saying "hey _____, its _____, give me a call, my # is _______. That's all i said. Now for sure, i'll see if she's a flake or not. I'll chit chat for a little when i do talk to her for a couple minutes and seal it with a date for saturday night! Save the conversation for saturday


whatcha think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 12:13am
So now it's wait n see. I'm not one to give a guy my number then not call him back if I missed the call. I think she'll call.

Fab, have you tried the online dating thing, or meeting people outside of clubs? Seems to me you're just meeting the same type of girl and although you might be attracted to them in some sense, they're not really doing it for you in a relationship sense. Just curious.

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