met man online...still trying to meet

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
met man online...still trying to meet
2
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 2:00pm
Hello everyone,

OK, here's my dilemma. I've met a man about 2 years ago while in a chat room. He seemed like a decent person so I continued IM'ing with him (not thinking it would go any further). It slowly progressed and we got to know each other gradually. After several months, he gave me his home #, but I never called him until a month later. Then he gave me his picture and I found him attractive. I didn't give him my pic until much later, but when I did, he said he found me attractive as well. So far so good, right? :-)

We became pretty close. He told me all about his life, his family, his work, places he's been, and past relationships. We got to know each other very well. He lives about 6 hrs away, but goes to see his daughter once a month and she lives about 3 hrs from me. We've attempted to meet several times but something always came up (not just on his part, but my part, too) We've attempted 4 times now and something happens that is out of our control like a family obligation or a hurricane or work. Our schedules couldn't be any more different. I'm off weekends and he works all through the weekend.

I'm starting to grow impatient. Here's this guy who I have strong feelings for and who seems to feel the same for me who I'm very attracted to, but we just can't meet. My question is, how long is "too long" to NOT meet someone? We have strong feelings for each other, but if we can't even meet, why should I continue this? Should I wait as long as it takes? I've put deadlines on this and keep extending. Should I give him an ultimatum?

If anyone has had this same dilemma or any advice please reply....Thanks

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 2:06pm
If you aren't ok with just keeping it as an online "pen pal" friendship, then I'd email him and basically say, "call me when you're ready to meet" and stop talking to him in the meantime.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 2:29pm
I really hope he is single and telling you the truth about his life.

There was a woman on the Dr.Phil Show who met someone on the internet. They talked a lot and they made plans to meet, but they always fell through. Well, Dr.Phil show did some research and found out the man was married, and was lying about a lot of aspects of his life.

I would set a date to meet again. Make sure that on your end nothing goes wrong. IF he has another excuse as to why he can't make it, then I would take it as a sign to move on.

As far as how long you should wait to meet... it's up to you. But I certainly would not be putting all my eggs in his one basket. I would continue dating other people, etc. until this relationship becomes more real - such as having face to face meetings. Also if he does show up for the next meeting, that's great, but I would go the 6 hours to his home ASAP because you want to make sure that what he is telling you is the truth.