Met someone I thru a personal ad

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Met someone I thru a personal ad
4
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 2:14pm

posted a personal ad. Thought I would give it a try.

A couple of people have contacted me. After chatting on the phone we decided to meet face to face. I've been on 2 dinner dates this week. I met one person on Monday the other on Tuesday.

I found both of them to be interesting and attractive. I haven't called either one since we met, but I'm upset the neither has called me or emailed me.

I was expecting to receive a call after dinner or the next morning saying "I had a great time, you're very attractive, I hope to see u again". Something like that.

I can't stand rejection? I hurt my feelings to think neither one was into me. I am attractive I've been told.
Am I overreacting? Do u call a person immediately after the 1st date or wait a few days, What?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 2:36pm

If you can't stand rejection, then you shouldn't be dating. It's part and parcel of the dating process.

My experience has been that a guy who is really interested in you will either ask you out again while you are on the first date, or will call pretty quickly to arrange another date, usually the next day.

I always assume that I'm NOT going to hear from any given guy...if he calls, great, but if not, oh well. It just means he's not right for me, if he doesn't call. It has nothing to do with my attractiveness or anything else.

A suggestion: I would not make your first meeting for dinner in the future. I find meeting for a cup of coffee works best...that way, it's much less fraught with expectations...it's just a cup of coffee.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 7:24pm

No, you're not over-reacting. If a guy is into you, he will make his intentions clear. I'm assuming you did this via online? If so, this is very normal... you go out, click with a guy and then you never hear from him. (The same things happen with the guys who click with girls...) It's all just a part of it.


Rejection is a part of the game, whether it be from people you meet online or offline. Just with online, since you are meeting so many more people, the rejection factor increases.


Don't throw in the towel. It can work but you have to have a thick skin and let it roll off of you like water off a duck's back.


Feel free to come visit the Online Dating board... if you posted there, you would see how many folks (guys and girls) would tell you they had the same experience!


Hope this helps.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 1:14pm
not everyone calls immediately after a first date. so don't lose faith. but even if you don't hear from either of them again it's not a rejection. you never know what's going on in someone's life.
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 3:43pm

The fact that neither guy has called might have nothing to do with your attractiveness. You probably are just fine. But I will suggest this: if you posted a photo on the web site, make sure that it's a relatively recent photo that shows you as you really are today, and not how you were 10 years ago or 20+ pounds lighter. That may not be what happened in your case at all. But I'm only saying this because I have heard from TOO MANY of my male friends that the Number One reason a man fails to call a woman after meeting her is she didn't look anything like her online photo, or she wasn't honest about her weight.

But let's assume that your photo was completely accurate and you described yourself to a T. If you only met them a day ago, there is still a good chance one or both will call. But I wouldn't WAIT for those calls. And if you haven't heard from them within the week, I would write them off altogether. Keep movin on!

When you don't hear from someone again, it could be that he just didn't feel the right "click" with you. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or with him. You just cannot expect to hit it off with most of the people you meet when online dating. In fact, when I was doing online dating, I found that I wasn't attracted to 90 percent of the guys, after I met them in person. But don't give up. It only takes ONE great guy to make a great connection! The more people you date, the better your chances of finding that good guy.

You do have to have a thicker skin in the online game, as Sheri said. But don't think of dead-end dates as "rejection." It just means they just weren't meant for you.

Good luck.

jilly.

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