Miscommunication?
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| Sat, 12-17-2005 - 12:32pm |
So I'm working things out with an ex currently.. It's really awesome because I love him so much and I'm glad things are working out, esp in time for the hoidays. We haven't had the chance to see each other since we started talking though because we live about 45 min away from each other and I've been busy with finals and he's been working late & stuff. So this weekend would have been our first oppertunity. Well, he said he plans tonight.. it was his clubs christmas party. I guess I can understand him not asking me to go since we're not really back together yet, but I guess I was kind of hurt because if he wanted to see me, this was his chance. Last night he just stayed home and I text'd him to see what he was doing and he said watching tv, then he sent me a text before he went to sleep saying "wish you were here" well, he didn't invite me, I would have gladly gone to see him. See the thing is, we've always had this problem of asking each other to do things and I have no idea why. When we first started dating, his friend actually asked me to hang out w/ them.. which I thought was weird. He's 30 years old. (I mean it wasn't like "hey will you go ask her to hang out for me" but his friend would like invite me to places they were going.. not my bf) I don't know what it is.. but then he thinks I'm not intersted in seeing him. I would spend every chance I could with him I just don't know how to make him see that..I dont know if he's afraid I'll turn him down? Or what.. When were dating the first time, we would always try to think of things to do, then he'd get aggrevated because I didn't know of anything and we'd just end up at the club with his friends.
*sigh* We just seem to have this big problem of asking each other to see each other and thats part of the reason we broke up in the first place. we have huge communication issues. I don't want this to happen again, I want this to work out, for good. Any advice or anyone ever been in this kind of situation?

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Um, okay, let me think, all right, I have an idea...
"Hey hon, on Tuesday I am planning to go to the zoo and see the new baby panda. Would you like to come with me?"
If you want to see him...ask him on a date yourself.
(And then tell him, "Yes, babe, I like you, I want to see more of you.")
You say you have miscommunication then clear things up.
Maybe the question shouldn't be "why aren't my bf and I communicating?" but "why didn't I realize that the FRIEND was asking me to join them because he liked ME?"
Thanks you guys for all of your input. I know I was definitely rushing things.. I was just so happy and caught up in us talking I was jumping the gun.
I went to see him last night, it was the first time we've seen each other since September, I met him & his friends at a bar after the Christmas party (he called & invited me so I hung out w/ some friends then went to meet him) When I walked in, his jaw literally hit the floor.. it was the best feeling. The first thing he said to me was "you are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on" and gave me a big hug and said he missed me - his eyes kind of welled up with tears too. It was so sweet, I said hi to all his friends - they all hugged me and said how nice it was to see me and everything.. then basically me & him sat at a table all night and talked and hugged and held hands. Everything was great. Around 11.30 he said he was ready to go home, so I said I would take him if his friends didn't want to leave - so I did and we ended up spending the night together, we went back to his house & he asked me to come in so we could talk more about what was going on, & we laid there talking until we fell asleep. (just cuddled all night) Then this morning he took me out to breakfast to this cute little diner and I wasn't home for an hour before he text'd me to see when we could see each other again. Amazing how two people can not see each other for 3.5 months then get together like nothing had ever happened. We both agreed our faces hurt from smiling so much these past few days.
Sounds perfect, doesn't it? It pretty much was. Our only conflict now is that he's going to jail in a few weeks. He has a hearing on Jan 6th for his second DUI. I know that sounds bad, he had a DUI when he was younger and then one a few months back when he was in an unfortunate accident that wasn't his fault, but still got screwed. He's learned his lesson, doesn't really drink anymore & definitely doesn't drive otherwise I wouldn't even be pursing this. He's scared of us getting serious these next few weeks because he thinks going to jail is going to be so painful. I know it will be too but how can I make him see that I want to be there for him? This relationship has been all I've wanted for the past 2 years and things are so perfect right now.. how do I not let this mess what we have up?
Ok, give your head a shake.
I'm glad you had a wonderful evening. However, I am going to give you something to think about but I guarantee you won't listen.
Could it be that this man was so enamoured with you because he has a stint in the lock-up in the near future? I have had a few friends do time and right before they "go away" (lingo) they tend to get very sentimental and fly right. The one thing that fuels prisoners is visitors. My guess is that this man is desperate to have some support while he cools his heals in the county jail.
However, you forget that your relationship had issues before and it will have issues again. Please be careful and look at this with your eyes wide open.
I really appreciate your honesty and your advice.. But I really think every situation is different, I'm sorry things didn't work out in yours although it sounds like it was for the best anyway.
I know its hard to believe people change, but I honestly think some do. He goes out one night a week w/ his friends because they belong to a club & they go there for the drawing & whatnot. He doesn't drive and he has a beer or two with them. This whole thing really hit him hard (which is good) and he knows how stupid he was. Esp since we have this awesome relationship and he's going to jail in a few weeks.
Maybe I'm just being a stupid, naive girl in love. I don't know. I'm trying to take in all the feedback. I thought about this long & hard because I knew before getting into this relationship what was ahead and still chose to do it. ((I'm sure people prob told you the same thing you're telling me and you didn't listen. So I guess if this isn't going to work out and I should walk away - then I'll learn the hard way.))
As for all the questions - the biggest problems we're going to have is him losing his license and just the fact that my boyfriend is going to be in jail and my family is understandably skeptical. I realize I need to stop making excuses for him, he doesn't even make excuses for himself. He knows he had a problem, knows that he messed up horribly, & he knows he has to pay for it now. He doesn't blow all of his money on alcohol, doesn't ask me to come pick him up at 4 am from random girls houses, he's not going to lose his job because of his DUI and might even get to do a work release and just do his jail time on the weekends.
I'm sure you all think I'm wrong in this situation.. but like I said I guess if I am - I'm going to have to find out the hard way..
Edited 12/20/2005 8:52 am ET by lizzz2005
Well, you might find out the hard way, but you don't HAVE to, hon.
I was reading your post and enjoying hearing how well the last couple of days with your ex went.
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