miserable and helpless

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
miserable and helpless
2
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 10:50am

Hi everyone. I am so glad I'm posting here maybe you guys can help me. I've been in a realtionship for about a year with a guy who doesn't want to commit. I know I'm selling myself short because I want and deserve more, but for the life of me I cannot say no to him and he calls me literally every day to hang out!

For the first time this weekend though he called me when I got back from my Thanksgiving vacation and told me he would call back later and he never called. This was highly unusual for him and I knew something had to be up. He called the next day and like a fool I hung out with him. He apologized several times for not calling and said he was busy with family and holiday stuff, but I know he was probably with another girl because at the very least he could have texted me goodnight even if he was busy and said "i'll call you tomorrow."

Anyway my problem is I find myself wanting to accept his lie and let him off the hook. My head is screaming at me "kick him to the curb, he hurt you!" I don't understand why I'm letting myself be used and lied to this way. I'm an intelligent beautiful woman and this guy has some kind of sick vice grip on me. I want to get rid of him and yet I for some sick reason am addicted to the attention he gives me. How do I end this? I feel so low I feel like he's laughing at my spineless behavior even though he's not, he's just doing what he can get away with. I've tried to end it so many times and I always end up caving in when he gives me the slightest reassurance. Please advise!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 12:36pm

Well, the answer is pretty simple, and it's like stopping any addiction: you make the decision, and you stick to it, no matter what.

Notice I said "simple" and not "easy". It's not easy, not at all. But if you continue, you'll always be in the same place you are now.

Are you in counseling? That might be the place to start to gain the strength you need to make the decision and stick to it. Another possibility is Sex and Love Addicts (SLAA) or Codependents Anonymous.

Good luck to you.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 3:00pm
First and foremost you must stop believing that you are "helpless." You and only you can and must help yourself. The reason you are going against your better judgment just for some admiration and attention is b/c of low self-esteem. Start doing some reading at the very least. There are tons of books and self-help gurus out there to choose from. Spend your time at a book store or online searching amazon instead of obsessing over this guy. If you truly believed you were worth more and deserved more you would be making different choices for yourself. You need to get to the place called emotional healthiness, where those will not be just words you say or type, but words you live by and act upon. Good luck.