Missed his call, was I wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Missed his call, was I wrong?
14
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 2:30pm

Hey everyone; I need your honest opinion. My new beau-to-be (maybe not after this debacle), told me on Wednesday that he wanted to see me on Sunday. I said SURE! : ) He ended it with, "I will call you on Friday OR Saturday, to tell you what's up for Sunday."

Friday came, no call. No biggie. Saturday came, no call, hhmmnnnn. Sunday morning, no call from him. Friend calls- begged me to go to Coldplay Concert that night- someone bailed on her. HHmmnnnn. Sunday, 12 noon. No call from beau- Coldplay sounds great. It's TOO EARLY in the r-ship to be calling beau to say WTF??? I don't want to be stuck with no Coldplay, no beau, no plans.............

1 pm, no call from beau. Committ to Coldplay- leave at 1:30 to meet up, hit the city and see the show later. Beau left message on home machine at 2 pm. I missed his call.

Was I wrong to make other plans? I was pretty let down that he didn't call Friday OR Saturday, as he said he would............

Your thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 2:58pm

You were 100%, completely in the right on this one. He said he would call Friday or Saturday and didn't. You had a great chance to go to a great concert and have fun with your friends. You should not put your life on hold for anyone. If he had called to confirm when he said he would and THEN you bailed, then you would have reason to apologize. He needs to have consideration for you and call when he says he will. Hopefully he is not already taking the relationship for granted or that you will just sit around and wait for him. You have nothing to apologize for.

You didn't mention whether or not you have heard from him yet. It is Monday. Has he called yet? Or did he call and was upset when you were not there? If he is upset, he really only has himself to blame for not confirming the plans. Without a confirmed date (time, place, etc.), you are free to still make other plans even with the tentative agreement that you would meet up with him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 3:09pm

Oh thank you Vexer, I feel that I am totally in the clear- but I want to be prepared for when I call him back tonight. No, he left a message at 2 pm yesterday- I was out until 1:00 am, by the time I got home (not like me at all, on a work night!).

I am calling him back around 8 pm tonight. This relationship is pretty new, I can't jump all over him, nor would I. I am just going to make my point clear in a cool way; he said he would call on Friday or Saturday, and he did not. I was pretty let down, not that I would say that to him. I would never put my friends or life on hold for him or any guy- you are wise with that advice as well.

I guess I just needed some justification before I call him back tonight. What fun! UUgghhhhh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 3:30pm

If I were you, I'd let him know that you felt let down. Say that you were looking forward to seeing him and when he didn't call, you decided to make other plans. Don't be accusatory or anything, just say that you were disappointed when you didn't get the confirmation call and couldn't resist the tickets. But that way, you are not apologizing either because you really didn't do anything wrong.

Good luck! Hopefully he'll understand and you'll get past this first little bump in your relationship. If anything, it will make sure he doesn't take you for granted! :-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 12:24am
I'll call you Friday or Saturday are not definate plans. He did not say he'd call you 2PM Saturday to make plans for the night. Perhaps he wanted to call you Friday or Saturday but things came up. Good thing you made other plans for Sunday. You can't wait your whole life for a call or put your life on hold waiting for a call. Not being available for him when he called on Sunday showed him that you are not at his beck and call and shows that you have a life outside of him. I wouldn't say anything about the call and the weekend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 7:58am

I do sincererly appreciate your input lovegoddess, but he DID say to me, "I will call you Friday OR Saturday to set up something for Sunday- we will do something fun!" Those were his exact words on Wednesday evening.

It wasn't very fun of him NOT to call me at all, before 2 pm Sunday. In fact, to give you folks an update, I called him back last night- and actually lovegoddess, it was so very obvious that he really didn't give a s**t that we didn't see each other, that I couldn't even bring it up. I would have made an absolute fool of myself. We talked briefly about our weekends; he informed me that he was hanging out with the guys all weekend, having fun. No mention of never calling me. He kept saying , " Are you okay, you don't sound yourself, is there something you want to talk about?" ALMOST antagonizing me.

I only returned his call to see if he would give me the decency of an explanation (for never calling me)- but all I heard about was how interesting his weekend was. No excuses, no apology, no , "Hey, sorry we missed each other this weekend, what happened?" NOTHING. I was flabbergasted, but I'll get over it.

I often wonder what I did in my past life, to deserve this crap over and over. I gotta stay strong and have faith that some day, God will lead me to the right man for me (not to get Biblical on you).

Thanks for posting & reading................

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 10:28am

Aww, duff! Sorry to hear that. Actually, that is usually a deal-breaker type of thing for me early in a relationship - the lack of consideration such as not calling when they say they will or calling really late at night without clearing it with me first or "forgetting" that we had plans. If he'd apologized, then it would be something to note and and move on - only if it happened again would it be something to be concerned about. But the fact that he blew it off really sucks.

I'm not saying to dump him, but this is definitely at least a yellow flag for you to keep in mind. If it is a one time thing and it never happens again, no biggie. If it isn't then you should find a guy that will treat you with more consideration and respect.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 10:41am

Thanks Vexer; to me it is a red flag and grounds for dumping him. Actually, I can't picture him ever calling me again, to be honest. He is a very, very smart guy; he knows that what he did was just wrong; I know he knows it. His rude behavior spoke volumes- he is not really that interested in me, plain and simple. I don't know why he said so many nice, meaningful things to me, during our hour long conversation the Wednesday before this debacle. Why bother?

I was pretty darn sad last night. Let down, broken hearted, etc. But, everything happens for a reason I suppose. At least his true colors came out very early on. I just wish I could be blessed with one decent man; I am a really good person, inside and out, why can't God send me at least a steady companion to spend time with? Too boot, I'm no supermodel, but I am often told that I am very attractive, if ya like petite brunettes!

: P

Thank you for your empathy & support. I'm a tough little cookie, I'll move forward soon enough. It will just take a little time to put this behind me.

Warm Regards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2005
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 11:51am

Good for you, duff! You sound like you've got your heart and your mind in the right place. It's refreshing to hear you speak with the knowledge that you're worth so much more than a guy who screws up early in the game without so much as an apology.

I'm very happy to hear that you're not tolerant of such bouts of inconsideration!

Hooray, strong woman!!

-Isis

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 12:37pm
He should have called Friday or Saturday definitely. However since he asked you out for sunday I think after your friend made coldplay offer you could have called the guy and not said perhaps WTF but something like
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 1:12pm

In the dating world sometimes there is a big difference from what people say and what people do. This is why we go through the dating process, so we can determine the character of a person.

It is always upsetting when we find out somebody isn't very truthful, but better now then later.

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