Mistake?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
Mistake?
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 2:40pm

Hi there

My boyfriend and I are 'on a break' 'broken up' whatever the logistical difference is. We still care for eachother a lot. We are very close and have spent more time together than anyone I've dated in the past even though these past relationships were much longer.

How we came to this decision is that I had asked him to come visit me since i'm working out of the country for the next couple months. He was unsure about it and way less enthused than I thought he should be. He was here for a month back in June. Anyway, we had a little more discussion that lead me to understand that he was unsure about things in his life and unsure about us.

So I suggested that maybe we take a break from the seriousness of being GF & BF. He agreed. The last two days back at home we were both very sad for us. We spent the last two nights apart even though we knew I'd be leaving. We'd spend our days together biking and walking ... talking and figuring out *the plan* Now I'm back overseas and miserable. I don't know if I made a mistake.

Was my suggestion a good idea? Or bad? What about taking a break after only 6 months of dating? Does this happen? Did I expect too much from him to have consistent feelings about us when his life is a bit unclear?

His last words to be were 'be good' and 'you are so beautiful' After some thought on his part, he is convinced that his apprehension doesn't have to do with me but him. He hates his job, apartment, etc and has low motiviation to change anything.

And I'm trying to deal with this distance and the rules I have set up. I said *the plan should be that we should only talk on the phone/email every couple weeks and see eachother when I'm beack home in a month 1/2. To give us that mental space to explore and evaluate. I'm afraid I'm going to lose him.

How should I handle the next month? I've given myself 8 days before I will get in touch. I've told him that we should not talk so i'm assuming he will stand back for a bit. When we talk it should be light right? Should I tell him that I miss him? What about when I'm home in a month? Should I let him bring up the talk again? I'm ultimately doing this for him not me. I know I need to mentally move on but I also don't want him to think I don't care any longer.

Please let me know your thoughts
:(
Cara