Misunderstanding - can I fix this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2013
Misunderstanding - can I fix this?
4
Mon, 09-16-2013 - 9:53pm

I've been a single mom for 11 years, and have recently developed a crush on a man. He works at the grocery store where I shop, and we flirt a little. It is impossible to have much of a conversation at the check out stand when there are always other customers waiting, so there has been no opportunity to get to know him better or further this along. He has a visible, physical disability and I don't doubt that that contributes to his being shy and reserved. But the little I have spoken to him and heard him speak to others, he is clearly articulate and smart, and someone I would like to get to know better.

Since there is no opportunity to speak privately, I recently wrote him a note that I handed him discretely when I paid for my groceries, that said he seemed like a nice guy and maybe we could go out for coffee some time, and I gave him my number. Four days later he texted me and said the following: "Hello *Margeret* this is *Edward*. Thanks for the note. If you would like to see me outside of work I am on a bowling league. Tuesdays at 5pm, Yaba Daba Do Lanes, in West Anywhere, off Main St."

Initially, I took it as an invitation to go with him this week, and I responded by saying that sounds great, Tuesday at 5pm. See you then.

Then as I thought about it, I thought that maybe he wasn't actually inviting me as a "date," but just more of a "stop by some time" kind of invite. I'm not sure what to do now. I'd really like to move this forward, but we are both shy. I'm thinking now I should've asked a couple of my friends to go with me to this bowling alley some Tuesday, and just see him there, kind of casually. But, the way I left it with my text yesterday is that I'm going to see him there.

Should I try to get a friend to go with me this Tuesday, so that it's less of a date, and more casual? Should I text something, maybe to clarify, such as "My friend and I are going to stop by for drinks, hope to see you there."  If I can't get my friend to go with me, do I show up alone? I'm pretty sure I could get someone to go some time, if not this week. Should I text him and say "I'll come one of these days when my friends can make it."

I feel kind of silly for being in my 40's and not knowing what to do, but I don't know what to do! I like him, and it would be nice if this could turn into something more. Suggestions welcome! Thanks

Avatar for StephanieOC
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Tue, 09-17-2013 - 12:59pm
Great advice here. I agree, don't view it as a date but more as a casual get-to-know opportunity. Also, if he is really shy then you may need to make the next move such as a coffee or lunch get together. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-17-2013 - 12:15pm

I also agree w/ Demontespan--don't get fixated on whether this is a date or not--just look at it as an opportunity to get to know him better.  After you get to know him, you might realize that you don't really want him as a date and more as a friend, so just act like you are friends for now until he gives off more signals that he's interested romantically.  (I wish I took my own advice on that sometimes.  lol)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-17-2013 - 12:13pm

It seems strange to invite you to go when he is bowling in a league--it's not like you could bowl with him so what are you supposed to do when he is bowling?  Is it the kind of bowling alley that is kind of fancy where they serve drinks (seems like that from what you said)--or maybe instead of going at 5;00when they are going to start, you could get there later so perhaps he could have a drink with you after he is done.  In fact, I think I'd text him about that--what time does the league get finished with bowling?  Do you want to have a drink and/or someting to eat when you are done?"  Frankly if he doesn't respond favorably to that, I doubt I'd even go--there is really no opportunity to interact if he's bowling with a bunch of guys & you can't join in.  I'd say something like "Oh maybe we can do something another time when you aren't so busy" or something like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 09-17-2013 - 9:00am

Just drop in casually and see how it goes and play by ear.  Don't be fixable whether it is a "date" or not, and for heaven's sake, please do not bring a friend!