mixed signals
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| Wed, 11-28-2007 - 4:15pm |
Ok first off I'd like to say im male. I noticed that the boards are filled with advice for women, but I thought i'd ask in here since I need a female's perspective.
I was playing basketball at a gym back in september when I noticed this girl come in and start playing basketball with us. I was floored the moment I saw her, and told myself that I had to talk to her. I am a very shy guy so I normally do not just go up to anyone and start talking to them...not even other guys. (im not bi-sexual, im straight, im just saying...im not very outgoing). So I talked to her and she turned out to be really nice. I began to run into her at the basketball court at the gym about 1-2 times every month on tuesdays and thursdays. Each time I ran into her, she always was the one to come up to me and say hi and start the conversation. I took this as a good sign, and decided to take the opportunity to get to know her better each time I ran into her. She graduated high school about 2 years, so i think that would make her 20 turning 21. She is taking 17 units at a community college. We are both studying to be nurses. She's caucasian, and knows a few things about my ethnicity (im filipino) and i think she has a filipino friend. She's very friendly, and never made me feel like she wanted to end any of the conversations I had with her. One thing I noticed was that she would always dart out of the gym at 7:30 without saying or waving bye. She'd just be gone. Last week, on tuesday before thanksgiving, I ran into her again and felt that it was time to see if I could invite her to a Lakers basketball game. She didn't even hesitate to say yes. At the gym there is always a basketball game going, and right after she said yes, the next game at the gym was starting and I was up next to play so I had to get in the game without getting a chance to get her number. By this time it was already 7:25 and I knew she was getting ready to leave. The game ended and she was still there! She came up to me and started talking to me and I had the feeling that I should probably ask for her number. So I did and she gave it to me. (She probably noticed my hands shaking as I was writing her number down) She then says she's tired and she has to go (wow she actually is saying bye this time). I told her I was leaving as well and so i walk out with her. Stupid me says, "Well I know you're a busy person, what would be a good time to call you?" and she just shrugs as if she wanted to say that she's always busy and anytime would be as good as the next. Then I say "How about I just send you a text message?" and she says "I don't get a text messaging plan until december 2nd". I pause and say "do you have myspace?" and she tells me how to find her on myspace and we both go our own ways. The next day comes along and I decide not to send her a message on myspace yet because I didn't want to seem desperate. Thursday comes along and its Thanksgiving and didn't think it was a good idea. Friday....my birthday. So I decide to send her this message on Saturday afternoon:
"Hey Zoe! Sorry it took a while...this week's been so busy for me with my finals, Thanksgiving, and my birthday. How was your Thanksgiving? Anyway, here are the upcoming Laker games that I can go to:
Tuesday 11/27 @ 7:30pm vs Seattle Sonics
Thursday 11/29 @ 7:30pm vs Denver Nuggets
Sunday 12/02 @ 6:30pm vs Orlando Magic
Let me know if any of these games will work with your schedule.
-Chris"
She doesn't reply to my message until tuesday 11/27 @ around 6pm. This is what she says:
"oh my gosh, im sorry that i took so long to respond. Actually, i dont think i can make any of those games. i have class thursday and my friend from out of town is coming in this saturday. but i appreciate the offer. I will talk to soon. zoe"
I don't understand how she came from seeming very interested in me and accepting my invitation to saying "but i appreciate the offer". I forgot to mention that I just turned 27. She didn't know my age until she saw my myspace which has my age posted at the top. What should I do now? Should I reply to her message? Should I try inviting her to a later game? Should I put the ball on her court and tell her to let me know if she still wants to go to a game and let me know when she's free to go to one. Or should I not reply to her message, and if she's interested she will eventually send me a message.
I want you guys to understand that I am a very shy person, and I rarely get the courage to talk to a girl. I'm not the typical guy who just wants to get into a girl's pants. Honestly, that's the least of my concern. I've had 3 girlfriends and all of them were long term relationships. I'm into quality, not quantity. I waited 2 months and took my time before I asked Zoe to do something outside of the gym. I really like this girl. She's not the "hot" girl who's self centered and too full of her self. She's the type that you would take home to meet your mom. I know I screwed up. I should have just taken her phone number, and just called her the next day. If she didn't pick up because she was busy, I should have left her a voicemail. But I'm not going to cry over spilled milk. If I still have the slightest chance with this girl, I want to know what I need to do to get there. So please help!

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Ok so I called her tonight and she didn't seem bothered that I called her. She was friendly as usual and we had a pretty good conversation. She mentioned that she just turned 21 but didn't really get to enjoy it this weekend because the plans got messed up. Towards the end of the conversation I asked her if she was still interested in going to a Laker game and she said yes and that she was really sorry for not being able to make it to any of the games that I previously invited her to. I told her not to even worry about it and that I understood how busy it could get during this time of the year. She then offered to pay for her half of the tickets and I told her that she didn't have to since I was the one that invited her. She then insisted that she'd pay her half since she knows how hard it is being a nursing student and not working and that she didn't want to put all the burden on me. I explained to her that I do have a job and that it was ok, i'd pay for it. Then the conversation got a little weird, she didn't seem comfortable. I told her I didn't have any available games until January but I would call her again when I had the game schedule with me. She said that it was ok...she can wait till January but she may have some plans with other people in January. I told her that's fine and that I would call her when I have the game schedule so that we could plan it and find a game on a date that would work for the both of us.
From the summary of our conversation what do you guys think? Is she still interested? Is she trying to tell me something?
Why am I showing you my pictures? As you can see I am not the type of guy who will attract a girl by the way I look. I am the type of guy who will attract a girl by my "niceness". My last girlfriend told me that she went for me instead of the other guy at the party because I was genuinely nice and that I didn't seem like the type of person who would take advantage of her or break her heart. My friend (female, who has a boyfriend of 10 years) wanted to set me up with her cousin because she said I was a nice guy who's loyal, honest, and kind-hearted. There's a lady that sits next to me in my nursing program for the past 8 months, who knows a little about my love life and she wants to set me up with her niece. She says that I'm a very nice guy and she trusts me with her niece. She even said that if she wasn't engaged...she would date me.
When I met Zoe, I knew i wasn't going to attract her with my looks. And that is why I had to go and talk to her so that I could at least start a friendship with her and maybe she could see what these other people see in me. The reason why I asked her to go to a basketball game with me is because I didn't want to make it seem like it was a "date". I just wanted to be friends with her first and hopefully she'll like what she sees in me and maybe start to date later down the road. If not, I wouldn't be so bothered because I'd at least have gained a new friend. This is the reason why I don't want to ask her out for drinks, or dinner or whatever. Because I don't want to scare her off thinking im asking her out on a "date". I want her to know me better as a friend first and THEN ask her on date. I am willing to do anything else besides the game with her, just as long as it's not something that will make her think that it's a "date". Does this make sense?
No it doesn't make sense because your logic is hooey (sorry!
Chris,
I definitely understand your approach, and I appreciate you posting your photos. First of all, I think you are a very good-looking guy and definitely have a nice athletic body. I think that you need to get over your insecurities and work on your confidence. It's always a turn-on.
Second, I understand where you are coming from completely, but, in my opinion, your approach is destined for a failure. If she likes you; then, she is not going to get scared because you asked her out on a date, she can only feel flattered. Girls love being asked out on dates, and it makes us feel very special. I am sorry to say this, but you do need to have a little of the "game attitude" about this or you will end-up in
Vexer, I totally see what you're saying about how my insecurities can be very unattractive. And that is something I am definitely going to work on. I haven't really expressed my insecurities about my appearance to anyone else. Not even my close friends. I just decided to share it with you guys here on the boards because in order for me to get the right advice, I feel that you guys need to know information about me. So, I am almost 100% sure that I haven't come across as insecure to her. For the most part, I have acted "normal" whenever I've ran into her at the gym. But I do know that she probably saw my hands shaking as I was writing her number down when she gave it to me. And when I called her two nights ago, the phone kept ringing and ringing and I was ready for the voicemail, then she suddenly picks up and catches me off guard because I was ready to leave a voicemail. So I ended up stuttering in the beginning but luckily I was able to recover and say "Hey is this Zoe?....This is Chris from the gym..." I just need to calm down, stop thinking about it so much and treat her as if she was just another person in this world....which she is.
I am going to take your advice and invite her to something else besides the game. I am going to call her and invite her to lunch sometime next week.
Sash...
First off thank you for the compliments. I really do appreciate it. I don't think anyone has complimented me about my appearance since high school which was 7 years ago. This probably explains why I am insecure about my looks. It's time I stop focusing on that, and work on my self esteem and confidence. Like i told Vexer, i'm going to invite her to lunch and just get a feel for it. After all we've never hung out, outside of the gym. So i think this would be a good start. If all goes well, then i'll probably invite her to dinner which is more of a "date" type of thing. I will definitely keep in mind all of the pointers you have given me. Thanks again!
Hi Chris,
Chris,
Good to know that I helped a little. Now, that's the attitude I am talking about!!! Sweep her off her feet with your charm and personaliy, and good looks..hehe ;-) Good luck!
SasH
SasHaYa <3
You asked her to go the Lakers game and she didn't respond? That's rude. It's tickets with a certain date.
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