Mixed Signals?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Mixed Signals?
2
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 12:28pm
I met a guy 5 weeks ago at a bar. We hit it off immediately and ended up having sex that night. That was probably a mistake, but it happened. He called me a day later and we talked for an hour and a half, went out on an official date 3 days later and again, had an amazing time. I went to NYC, but we met up the night I returned. I don't play games and since I liked him, after that night, I would call him when I felt like it and we went out on a couple more great dates.

Then I spent one Friday night with him and we didn't have sex (we barely even kissed). He seemed stressed about work so I just figured his mind was elsewhere. We went on a date the next week (a day before I was to leave for Vegas) where he said I was gorgeous and one of the coolest girls he’s met and at the end, I offered to stay the night, but he said he had to get up early and that we would be spending a lot more nights together in the future. I went to Vegas and called him one of the nights I was there, but I never heard back from him. When I got back, I called him and we went to a game last Tuesday and had a fun time.

On the way home, I decided to tell him that 1) I was tired of calling him and that I didn’t want to feel like I was chasing him. He said that I always beat him to the punch and that I should let him call me. OK – I was fine with that. Then 2) I asked him if we were just buddies, and if we were, to clue me in because we were barely even kissing anymore. He proceeded to say he doesn’t have female friends and that if we hadn't fooled around so early, this wouldn't be an issue. Then he tried to touch me and I just got annoyed and said that he wasn’t giving me any feedback into how he feels things are going. I know he likes me – his time is valuable and he wouldn’t be hanging out with me if he didn’t want to, but his other actions were speaking otherwise. So, I kicked him out of my car (he tried to kiss me goodbye, but I just turned my head) and told him if I didn’t hear from him I would mail him a CD I borrowed. He said “You think I’m not going to call?” and I told him that I obviously didn’t know.

That was a week ago and I didn’t expect to hear from him since his brother and nephew were in town the next day through the weekend. But I started to feel bad about the way I reacted and I e-mailed him an apology yesterday. He e-mailed me back and said I didn’t say anything wrong or outrageous and that all it did was sort of put a “downer on his approach to this whole thing.” What does that mean? He also said he’d call me later this week and “if necessary, we could talk about things.”

I don’t get it. I can’t tell if he’s just stringing me along or if he’s genuinely interested in me. If it’s the latter, I’m not even going to begin to guess if it’s just for something casual or something more. I just really like this guy. I don’t connect with that many men and there are so many things about him that I find so appealing. Am I wasting my time though? I can’t tell!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: rio103
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 1:30pm
I think this guy was just trying to take a small step back because you two had rushed into things and you managed to throw him off completely. With your little freakshow, I will be amazed if he does call. Why work things up like that. You need to be honest and apologize to him if and when you do get a call from him. Tell him that you want to have a relationship with him, and if he's not into that to tell you straight out. Period.

But if he doesn't give you a call this week, you'll know your answer.

And then the next time you get a guy, you won't be so quick to rush into sex or freaking out on him.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
In reply to: rio103
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 2:24pm
Oh man, this sounds familiar! I also have seen someone 3x had early sex, but HE was the one who freaked me out with exclusive talk, etc. And I have broken it off with him 3x in 1 month--extreme--but the too early sex thing really got me messed up in the head. However, he continues to come back and ask for another chance. Last time we were together--we also made it a point to not go near the bed--keep it casual. However, his talk of the "future" etc still unerved me this soon. So-when he came back from his