Mixed Signals -- Is He Interested?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Mixed Signals -- Is He Interested?
7
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 2:46pm
I've had a very flirtatious friendship with my creative mentor for about 9 months. We see each other about once a week, and we often get into very fun, flirty conversations that last until very late at night. We've been to some parties together, and at the last one, we shared a very spontaneous, very affectionate hug that lasted longer than just a goodbye hug. Our conversations often include funny, sexual content, and we both laugh a lot. I've heard that he lives with a long-time girlfriend, but I have never ever seen her in the 9 months I've known him, and I know that he has lived away from her in another state for a couple of months due to work obligations. He also spends many late nights away from her ('cause that's when I see him). We always make eyes at each other, and he always comes right up to me and talks with me for a long time. I don't necessarily want a relationship with him, or to break up the one he has going...But I am deeply attracted to him, I get the impression he's attracted to me, and I'd like to have a fling. Bad, I know. How do I set things off (please don't say, "don't bother.") I just want to know suggestions for letting him know that I'm interested in a kiss or three.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 3:11pm
I don't personally endorse having affairs.

He may be a very flirtatious person, but have NO intentions on cheating. I know a lot of people like that. They feel *safe* to flirt, because they feel no obligation to the person they are flirting with.

On the other hand, he could be a cheater, and is that really the kind of person you want to spend time with? Sure, YOU would be having a good time, but for how long? You might get emotionally involved. And not to mention how the other woman feels. And if you do get attached to him, he would have no reason to break up with the other woman for you, if you start something on the terms you're describing. And if he did, who's to say he wouldn't cheat on you?

If you're truly interested in this man, you can let him know that you are. Just be honest with him and see what he says.

I would just be careful about starting something if he's otherwise attached. But if that's what you REALLY want to do, you're going to do it. Just guard your heart.

Alison.

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anonymous user
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 3:33pm
I agree with you 100% and could not have said it better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 4:42pm
he probably is interested...but, be careful. if this is someone you're gonna have to see on a regular basis, make sure that having a fling is all either of you want and that it won't be really awkward seeing each other afterwords.

oh and another thing. i know some guys lie about having a gf, but asking him straight out will produce a more accurate response than a rumor. Be careful, i can't stress how important it is to know whether or not he does. cause it would be atrocious to ruin someone's long-term relationship, regardless if it's long distance, cause you were horny and wanted to have a fling. be careful.

-Rosie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 4:51pm
Here's the thing -- and I know this seems morally corrupt -- I sort of don't care if he's a "cheater..." Part of me figures he might be in an open relationship... I don't want to get closely involved with him, but I do want to get physical. I want advice for how to delicately make it clear that that's what I want. I have never propositioned someone before; my attraction to him is frustrating and I need some closure...I just want to kiss him, be inevitably disappointed by it, and move on. Right now he's fantasy man.

I'm a terrible person. I DON'T want to break up his relationship. I don't want to marry him...I'm just hot for him and want the crush to go away. If I somehow "got him," or at least got confirmation that my instincts were right, I think I'd be over it. Terrible, I know. Why does attraction make us do such selfish things? I haven't done anything, but I want to, and I thought I was better than this before he came along...


Edited 9/22/2004 4:54 pm ET ET by babyfacejones

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 5:30pm

First, I agree that you should find out from the source whether he is involved with anyone.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 6:29pm
I wouldn't think it would be a problem.

Check his schedule, get a hotel room, give him the key - when he arrives, be naked.

You're not looking to date, to be seen around, to get to know one another past this "i want you" attraction, to be anything but flirtatious in order to get to sex....so go for it.

He might turn you down, or not show up at the roomm - if flirtation as an ego boost is all he was after.

But if he wants more and realizes by honest direct communication that you know he has a girlfriend, that you know that every time you meet to have sex there are no guarantees of repeat performances, and that everything will be structured around his schedule and needs - he will have no problem.

Erin

quickblade142hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 8:17pm
did you watch oprah today?

hes just not that into you