money is breaking us

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
money is breaking us
15
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 1:08pm

Hi everyone. I have been dating this amazing guy for about 3 months. He treats me sooo well. He is romantic..fowers...massages..i feel like a princess. There is just one problem. He is 24 and is going to be starting a teaching profession in about a month or two. We went out in college and its now summer. I didn't realize in college that he really didn't have money...he had like two small jobs and took classes to get his teaching degree. I guess I didn't notice the money issue because he took me out so often and to nice places..I guess he was using all the money he was getting from his jobs and spending it all on me. I think the school paid for his housing area too..so thats scratched out so he didnt have to pay that and had more money for us to enjoy. Now we are both living in a main city for the summer (him for good, and me for the summer..I will be moving here next yr after my last yr of collge) I will b going back to school and hes living in his family's place till he gets some kind of house.

He hasn't worked for a few weeks because his job starts soon..but he has like no money now because he isnt working and can't really take me out...does that say a lot if he doesnt save ever...he has like no money..no money for the future im assuming then....
...it feels wierd..and i come from a family that values nice things and nice restaurants and it feels wierd not going out..I like going out to nice places like before and with him....he takes me to ehh dive bars.... and I like being cared for..but all he can do is movies now or not much..walks in the park..he dosesnt know it bothers me and i can never tell him this money issue..its too personal and hurtful. I recently told him I need a break and he has no idea why. The truth is....I want a guy with money or a future that has some potential with money. I can see the road in the future with him and my kids wont have a good life..or me either unless I get a great job..I guess Im old fashioned but I want to live and have a great lifestyle and feel supported...I am in love with him and it kills me not to see him..but my family and I kind of think that a teacher....a teacher with no money isnt good...

Should I stay with him now in the summer and c how it goes because I love him and im going to school next year anyway...or should i end it for good because I like nice things, nice dates and want money in my future...His family wont help him out either.his mother is very poor and he never met his dad...his friends are dirt poor and are not the best class or status..and have dfferent values..but he is AMAZING....I love him.

.so when he starts working..as a teacher where will he even live and afford a house? I guess we are diff ..we have diff backgrounds and social classes...but I love him..should I end it for good and continue this break or should I just wait and hope something changes and tough it out? I have 2 months of summer..but I like nice things..nice vacations..nice restaurants..I wanta guy who can take care of me....I'm 21...Should I enjoy my summer with him or try and find someone else the whole summer...but what do I do. I'm in love but in pain.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 11:57am
My boyfriend and I often take turns paying for dinners/take-out/entertainment. We both LOVE pizza, and there's a place near his house that has AWESOME pizza, so we take turns paying for it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 2:55pm

Best advice I ever got from a friend - I was dating an obscenely wealthy guy. Super nice guy. Liked him but didn't love him and knew it wasn't gonna happen.

R's advice:

"Sleep with the landlord and the rent's due every night".

I wasn't willing to sell myself.

I'd suggest you mull over my friend R's advice.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 3:30pm

I agree with every other poster here, you don't have a clear grasp on reality. Then again, you're 21 and probably not 100% financially independant from your family. You haven't learned that life isn't about things, your needs aren't taken care of by money. Your emotional well-being and happiness can only be filled by people and thoughts, not expensive clothes and big bills at local 'hot-spots'.

The college years is about being broke, unless your parents were pretty well off or you managed to secure a well paying job during school (think 90-100 hour weeks, school work & regular work combined!). Now he's out and there's always a period inbetween graduation and the first 'real' paycheck. Guess what, he's probably not going to have the money you desire for a LONG TIME. Now it's time to repay student loans, furnish the place, update the wardrobe from college to professional world, save for a house/pay rent, etc etc. Being an adult is about not having money...instead you have food, a roof over your head, transportation and a retirement account. You learn that you can't be wasteful by dropping $100 on dinner or $500 on a necklace for your unsupportive girlfriend. I think he's the smart one here and you're disillusioned.

If you don't love him enough to simply enjoy his company, no matter where you are than just let someone else have him. If you're so stuck on gender roles, you should prepare yourself to do all the cleaning, sewing and raising of the children while your husband works. He'll work and handle the money...then see how much money you're 'allowed'.

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 4:53pm

Spice, there are times that I disagree with you. This is NOT one of those times.

Here here!

And to the OP, if you want a "better life", then get off your duff, get a high-paying job, and make one for *yourself*.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 7:08pm
This guy actually sounds like he's in the same spot most recent college grads are...broke, waiting for "real" employment to start, and doing the best they can in the meantime. It happened to me, most of my friends, and my college bf. It's normal. Geez, at least he has a job coming up! I remember the summer after college...depleting the savings, waiting tables, trying desperately to find something in my field before the loan bills kicked in! Welcome to the real world, I would call it. You are in college yourself...do you work or does your family support you? Either way, chances are good that you will not have it made immediately upon graduation. Even if you get an internship that turns into a job, or get lucky and land a job right away, should you be so hard on someone whose job, by definition, does not start until fall?

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