more than a friend??
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| Mon, 02-12-2007 - 9:27am |
I've been friends with a guy for the past 6 years, we used to work together and were pretty close back then. In fact, I had a huge crush on him back then, but ended up dating his roommate for a couple months. We don't see each other often now but keep in touch via email. We've always had a playful flirtation eventho we've both been in other relationships throughout that time. He recently got in touch with me to catch up and asked about my love life, he knows that I ended a long-term relationship a year ago. I told him I had started dating recently, nothing serious. We were flirting back and forth and over the course of the conversation (email) we admitted that there's always been an attraction between us and he said he was going to kiss me next time we got together to end the curiosity once and for all.
Well, "the kissing experiment" date was this past Thursday. We had a really great time at dinner catching up. It was great being with him. He talked about how he's been doing some major soul searching and realized that he's ready to settle down with someone and have a family, but is frustrated because he can't find someone to settle down with. He said he realized that he'd been a jerk and had treated women badly in the past and now he's ready to treat someone the way they deserve to be treated. He told me all the advice I had given him in the past about women when he told me to F-off, I was right about everything and he knows that now.
When it came to the kissing part, it was more than I expected. I truly hadn't thought beyond ending the curiosity with a kiss, but his curiosity/attraction just intensified, so he asked about mine. My head was spinning. He knows I won't have a FWB arrangement and he wouldn't pursue that with me, so I don't think he's fishing for just sex. Is he fishing for something else? Was the whole soul searching conversation about gauging my interest in pursuing something more?

I can't tell you what this man is up to since I don't know you or him. But I can fathom a couple of possibilities.
1) This man is ready to change his ways, find a permanent girlfriend, settle down, marriage, babies, etc.
2) This man is interested in moving your relationship to the next level and he is telling you things he thinks you want to hear, since he probably knows his track record isn't exactly stellar.
I vote for number 2 myself...
>...he is telling you things he thinks you want to hear...<
Maybe not, but it all sounds SOOO familiar. Like they all read from the same "Book of Dating BS."
I can imagine how exciting this has got to be. I bet that kissing experiment was amazing and wonderful! And how thrilling is the possibility that he *really did mean* what he said about you being right all along, and he wanting to settle down and have a family someday... when he "meets the right woman"... what if he thinks you're it?
BUT... what if he is playing games with you? He's told you in the past to F-off when you gave him advice about his priorities in life? Hmmm. Men do *not* change easily or quickly (or women for that matter). It's just human nature. Change happens very, very gradually. Therefore be very, very careful.
If he's serious about the soul-searching, the settling-down, and all that jazz, he will have no problem while you take your sweet time testing the waters. If not, you are of no loss to take it nice and slow.
Do you two have mutual friends? You might want to seek their advice. Their distance from the pink fluffy cloud swirling around your head and heart (hehe, I'm half joking) will be able to give you some perspective!