More men mysteries....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
More men mysteries....
6
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:08pm
Hi All,

Just a quick "male behavior" question for you. The situation... we have been dating for about 2 months, see each other usually at least once a week (we both have very busy schedules) and generally talk or IM or a few minutes everyday. When we do see each other, we stay at each other's house. Neither of us are sleeping with anyone else, this is known, and agreed to, by both parties. But we have not had the "exclusive" or "where is this going" chat yet.

So here is my question. His profile is still up on a personals site, but it's not searchable, meaning you can only see it if you search by his username. I think it's ok it's still up (although I wish it wasn't, lol), after all we are not exclusive yet. Just wondering why it wouldn't be completely searchable? Seems to me it would either not be up at all, or 100% searchable if he were "really" looking for someone. Everyone knows that it's usually 10 guys to every 1 girl on there. Oh, he can't see that I have looked at his profile, nor that I know it's still up. I don't have any profiles up.

I'm wondering if this is all for my benefit, to keep me "grounded", to show that he supposedly isn't serious about me, when he actually is? This is the same guy who still has all the little gifts I've given him all over his house. I seriously doubt there are other girls coming over with dried flowers and cards that I've given him on display ;)

Anyone have any thoughts on what to do? Well other than that he may be bipolar ;) (just a joke, not to offend anyone)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:28pm
How long has it been since he's been active on the site? I know someone whose fiancee still has a profile up on my site but he has not been active since two weeks after he met her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:28pm
It seems strange that you are exclusive, and counting on this, but haven't had the exclusive discussion yet.

Anyway, I met someone online and pretty much took my ad down within a couple weeks. I had gone on dates with so many people that were wrong for me, and this guy was great... and I decided for myself that if it didn't work out I was going to take a break from dating. So it made sense for me to take it down. I mentioned to him I took it down, but added that I could always put it back up later (I didn't want to imply I was already wanting a committment from him).

His took a couple months to come down. I teased him about it a couple times but then let it go. I guess the relationship had to get to some certain point for him to be comfortable and not want to be checking that ad mail box anymore.

So my advice is be patient. If you have the "where is the relationship going" conversation, and it's really going somewhere, that might be the time he will take it down. Wait a week or so after that conversation and then mention it if it is still bugging you.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:28pm
hello I just read your posting and the first thing that came to my head is that A) he isn't quite to the full commitment but is half way there, becuase he is not on the searchable part so that means he isn't wanting soemone to bother him when he has you or B) he has others whom he talks to and that is why you can only find him when you look under his name. Bu tI could be wrong on both an dhe could be bipolar he he just jokin lol I hope this helped a little hun :)

Love Keegan24

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 11:12pm
LOL "I'm wondering if this is all for my benefit, to keep me "grounded", to show that he supposedly isn't serious about me, when he actually is?" Just my opinion but most guys do not think that way. That is such a stereotypical woman's way of thinking (especially the "when he actually is" part)! ;-) The only one who can tell you what he's thinking or why his profile's still there is HIM. Communication is key to a good relationship, so ask him if you really want to know. I think emotionally you're gambling for hurt and disappointment to be sleeping with someone you're not exclusive with yet, but that's just me. You can "imagine" and "assume" all you want about him but that is no guarantee and many people are shocked to find out they assumed wrong. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 11:45am
Deena33 -- You mentioned a "profile up on my site". Do you run a matchmaking website or something?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 1:31pm
"my" refers to the fact that I am a member of an online dating site.