The Most Civil BreakUp Ever?......

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
The Most Civil BreakUp Ever?......
2
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 9:42am

Please offer your advice,

I've decided to call off my engagement due to some underlying issues within myself that I really need to work on, most likely seeking therapy and going from there. Problem is that my fiance and I have broken up at least a dozen times, our relationship is always rocky even though most may not see it and it is effecting my psyche (along with my own issues of course). We both play games with each other and won't call each other for days although I always end up calling him, because I hate not being able to see/hear him. He knows this and always uses this as leverage, like now, we haven't spoken and like always, it's killin me.

He is already due to leave next month (job relocation) and we were planning to meet up the middle of next year, although that isn't going to happen now. I've realized that a long distance relationship is not what I want and I've been lying to myself this whole time about it. I've also realized that I have no future with this man, as much as I do love him, I now know that I've been hanging on this long because I didn't want to approach single life again, but now feel that I'm ready to work on myself in the meantime. I need to rid him out of my life , but need to approach him in a way he will understand that I am for real this time, because in the past he'll call me, show up, go through my friends to get back with me (one time calling my parents and crying to them how much he loves me). Please offer your advice, I really need it to help me be strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 10:03am

The problem with the rollercoaster relationship ride is that it is very difficult for one person to get the other person to believe it is over for them. Since you have always returned before they assume that anything you do is just another play in the game.

Since the two of you are broken up already with this "middle of next year" appointment, I think all you have to do is send him a quick email telling him that you have thought better about the 2006 rendezvous and wish him the best in life. He'll probably think it is another ploy but that doesn't concern you. Merely block his email and his calls, and then don't give this guy another thought. If he shows up at your door and won't leave, call the police.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 2:24pm
Tell him how you feel, tell him it's your final decision and then stick to it. The only reason he's been successful in "getting you back" in the past is because you let him. Warn your friends and family so they know what may come and ask them to ignore him. If they won't do it then you're on your own. You know what's right for you so just stick to it and be proud that you have taken the initiative to straighten out your life.