moved to fast to last?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
moved to fast to last?
4
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 7:49am
I have been seeing a guy for about 6 weeks now. It has moved very fast, but has felt right every step of the way. He has meet my daughter, but I have not meet his children. I have meet his friends and I don't think he has anything to hide.
I have been single for several years now. He is the first person I have felt any attraction to and wanted to see again after the first date. My ex played a lot of head games with me and it hasn't been till now that I have felt ready to jump into another relationship. And I have jumped - with both feet. Things have been amazing. He has been attentitive, affectionate, and talks often of future plans together. We just had a great weekend together which we actually made into a long extended weekend. We connected even more and talked a lot about things, really opened up. He more so then me. But something seems different in the last 24 hours. He cancelled plans and wasn't home when I called. I am getting a vibe that maybe things are not as great in his mind as he had led me to believe. Has it moved to fast for him...he always tells me it hasn't. I am worried that he is having second thoughts. Although we have been together such a short time it really seems like longer and I don't want this to end. My instincts tell me something is going on, but I do not know what it is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 12:17pm
It seems to be too much too soon. And that is "too much" for any man (even if he was moving things along quickly as well). Then they get cold feet and become recluse for awhile. Let him "cool off". Give him some breathing room and let him make the next move. The ball is in his court. You made the last move when you called him. If you call him two or three more times, you'll come off as needy and he will withdraw (if not become AWOL).
Good luck! :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 9:16pm
I'm having a similar issue and don't know how to handle it either. I've been seeing my guy for 2 months, we had an amazing weekend away also at the very beginning, and he too was the one...not me....pushing things along, quick....really quick. But it felt comfortable and right. He talked of a future together, that I was it for him, and for a month and a half it stayed that way. Now, all of a sudden, he seems more distant, doesn't talk like he used to, barely initiates that he loves me anymore, and doesn't seem eager to hang out much anymore. He recently found out his mother has cancer so that can have something to do with it....but I don't know, and it's really affecting me emotionally. I talk about everything on my mind and he won't open up AT ALL to me.....nothing about his feelings, and when I try to talk he turns away and doesn't want to talk.....I'm lost like you, and it's such a horrible feeling. Now I'm starting to feel like I can't trust him, and that he lies when he says he can't hang out, that he's going out with friends or to a bar or something.....it never used to be like this...and for me to feel and think this way it's gotta be bad for us. ugh
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 12:20am
I hear you! I've fallen victim of those whirlwind romances as well. I suggest that both of you ladies read the book, "Why men love b*tches" by Sherry Argov. It is like a dating handbook. The book is not telling us to be a "B". It is telling us that if we are occupied with our own lives, that men will HAVE to respect us and our time and efforts. When I first saw this book, I didn't want to buy it, because I "didn't want to play games". But it helped me understand the dynamics of dating and pointed out to me everything I was doing wrong. I either dated guys that blew me off or got into a relationship with me and treated me like a doormat. Neither of which we need. I date now, with these new principles I learned in that book, and I find I am getting a lot more respect now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 6:18pm

This is pretty typical "commitmentphobe" behavior. There always seem to be a couple of major hurdles in relationships that really get to the commitmentphobe (and often even to people in general). One comes around 2-3 months where it is time to start thinking about REALLY being exclusive and moving toward a serious relationship. A lot of relationships end right around then. The second hurdle is 6-8 months where you have been in a serious relationship and the expectations start to move toward making this more permanent whether with a higher level of commitment, moving in together or even starting to talk about engagement. One year is another big one. It is so strange but you can almost time these things! Every relationship that I have had that didn't go longer than a year broke up at one of these stages and so many people I know have had the exact same experience.

Unfortunately, there is not a lot you can do other than like what ginger said and keep yourself busy, be your own person and just take it one day at a time. It might work out, it might not. Good luck to both of you!

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