Moving in
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Moving in
| Wed, 07-21-2004 - 1:00am |
I've bee dating this guy for about 5 months now, and I spend every weekend at his place...go over Friday night come home Monday morning. My lease is ending in October, and I can't help thinking that I want to move in with him (I will be moving out of this apartment regardless of whether I move in with him). I feel like this is somthing that could work, but am a little nervous that it would be too soon. I was just wondering what the normal timeline is for couples, when it comes to when they usually move-in together.
As a side note, I have never lived with a boyfriend before...he has lived with only one girlfriend to date (he is a bit older than me).
Any advice? Thanks
~Dizzy

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Having said that, reading your post I just started thinking 'wait'.
I have always lived with my bfs from day one (1st I moved interstate to be with, 2nd time I moved out from the first one to be with the second one (young and stupid), the 3rd one started out as a housemate).
My new bf and I both signed 12 months leases on our current places within a couple of months of each other - right around when we met. So it'll be next year before we can even consider co-habiting. For us though, that's the best thing. He's only ever been in live-in relationships too (ex wife and one other girlfriend), so being in our own places and having our own space to come home to when we need it is important to us right now.
Living with someone is a big adjustment and I think I'm leaning towards cautioning you about doing it - even though it'll be 8 months into the relationship by then. I'm not sure exactly why I'm erring on the side of caution. I had no problems living with any of my exes.
Maybe I'm thinking I would do it differently if I did it all over again...
I'm a slow, cautious type...five months is really premature to move in with someone. Giddy in lust, falling in love, but IN love?? Some people equate living together to practically being married. You need to discuss with HIM what your and his expectations are in the relationship. What did he learn in his last experience?
I spend so much time over there as it is, and the only reason I haven't done the pseudo move-in deal is because I happen to have quite a few pets (cats, fish and reptiles), who I'd rather not leave alone for more than a weekend....and he can't stay at my place cause our places are quite a ways apart, and his work is practically next door to his home (my school is half-way in between).
I'm really just worried that it would be too soon, when I don't think about the ammount of time we've been together, all I want is to live with him.....but then I think 'whoa, it's only been 5 months' and my mom doesn't approve (mostly because of the age difference).
I am definately going to check out that book....thanks for al the advice.
~Dizzy
I can't help but wonder what it might be like for you to actually NOT spend the weekend at his place, and why he can't spend the weekend with you. Or why you couldn't find another place or retain your lease and have HIM over. I mean, I don't know how old you are and I don't know if you would have to have a roommate, but you sound like your mature enough to live on your own. If he really feels the same for you, time will make it work.
To put it bluntly, if he is interested in having his own space by having you move into another room, maybe he isn't on the same page as you and isn't ready to be totally committed to you yet. And you should be ok with that, or learn to be ok with that. Its sometimes hard to put blinders on when all we can see are the lovey dovey things of life. He's been on his own for 10 years, he has 2 roommates, he's asked you to move into the other room possibly. I think he's enjoying his bachelorhood and enjoying his weekends with a younger prettier woman. He's older and wiser and you are just getting started.
My advice to you is, think about YOU. Not about how YOU and HE will be together in your fantasy world, but how YOU want to be and how YOU want to live in reality. Do you want to be a roommate? Or do you want your own four walls where you can entertain HIM and only HIM? On the flipside, think about if you were to move in and had decided to move into the spare room and things didn't work out between you two. How heartbroken would you be everytime you saw him or heard him or even worse saw him with someone else and not you? Would you be able to stand the pain of living in the same house and having to deal with your heartbreak everyday? Or wouldn't it be easier to accept it as one of life's lessons on the great quest for true love.
Sorry this is so long, but I've been there. There is nothing like the gut wrenching pain you feel when you have your heart stomped on and all you did was love a man who didn't love you back, and were too full to see it.
BB
He doesn't come to my place as much, because he is currently w/o a vehicle (his transmission blew just a little while back) and I refuse to let him pay for a cab, or run for the bus (no matter how much he says that he's fine with it) when I can just as easily hop in my car and go to him. He doesn't really need roommates, but when he found his house he couldn't pass it up, happened to have extra rooms, and decided to help a few friends out with super low rent. He is the most amazing man I have ever met, and I know it's way soon, but I have never ever felt this way about anyone, and as it is now, I couldn't imagine my life without him. I have been in some pretty destructive relationships, and although this isn't my first 'real' one...it's the only one that just seemed to 'fit' right from the beginning.
I hope maybe that explains it a little better, I just kept getting the feeling that people were attacking the quality of our relationship and my motives for the, non-definite, move.
Sorry I wrote so much, and that I keep feeling the need to explain myself :D I guess I'm not very good at writing out what I'm thinking in a way that others can undestand it, so it took me a couple tries lol
Anyway, thanks a lot for the input.
~Dizzy
About your mom...she's got your best interest at heart, right? But there comes a time where you've got to cut the strings and live your life...if it's a mistake you'll learn and grow from it, but it'll be your life.
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