Moving in

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Moving in
16
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 1:00am
I've bee dating this guy for about 5 months now, and I spend every weekend at his place...go over Friday night come home Monday morning. My lease is ending in October, and I can't help thinking that I want to move in with him (I will be moving out of this apartment regardless of whether I move in with him). I feel like this is somthing that could work, but am a little nervous that it would be too soon. I was just wondering what the normal timeline is for couples, when it comes to when they usually move-in together.

As a side note, I have never lived with a boyfriend before...he has lived with only one girlfriend to date (he is a bit older than me).

Any advice? Thanks

~Dizzy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: dizzygurl
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 1:18pm
I know you mentioned the him having no car thing, but..... I have serious issues with the fact that YOU go out of your way and he doesn't have to lift a finger. Why can't he jump a bus? Why do you have spend all the money in gas going to his place? You leave your poor animals alone all weekend, I'm sure they are feeling a little neglected.

I just wouldn't rush into moving in with anyone. Especially since HE wouldn't be changing anything for YOU, only YOU for HIM.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
In reply to: dizzygurl
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 4:30pm
Wow, lots of responses...thank you everyone. I appreciate all the advice.

well, I do do all the driving, and he does not compensate directly for the gas, but he usually pays for the other thing we do. Basically, when my dad died he left me enough money to get completely through undergrad and graduate school without having to work, so I could concentrate solely on my studies....gas is included in my living expenses, but I don't get any extra spending money for movies and the like. I just feel like that since he has to pay for everything when we go out, the least I could do is pay for the transportation, which ends up being a lot less then what he covers. Although he just finished saving to get a new truck, and I know he'll want to drive (men lol) which would make me feel like I contribute nothing (financially), I don't much like the feeling of being a free-loader. :(

As for the animals, I do feel bad about doing it so often, but my kitties don't seem to mind, and are very happy and healthy....and I'm sure my cold-blooded friends don't even notice. Also, since it's summer, I'm not in class....so I'm pretty much home spoiling my pets 24hrs a day for the remainder of the week. :D

Most likely we won't move in together because of my doubts, but I just want to make sure I don't give up something thst could possibly be best thing to happen to me in a long time.

Thanks again all

~Dizzy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: dizzygurl
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 4:38pm
You wouldn't be giving up anything by not moving in with him. You would be securing your independance. Sometimes we're so quick to rush into things, we don't sit back and look at the whole picture. Isn't it NICE to be able to go home? How would you really feel about living with this guy- it wouldn't be just the two of you- it would be you, him and some roommates. Trust me when I tell you, roommates are not the same when you are LIVING with them. They may be on *good* behaviour when you are around, if you know what I mean?

I would look for another place or resign a lease where you are if you can and go from there. If you and your guy do become more serious, then the two of you will want your own place most likely WITHOUT any roommates, right?

And about the paying for things... I would just make sure that the playing field is divided. You don't need to be keeping score of anything, but just pay attention to who is putting in more effort. If you are the one always calling, making plans, going over- then it's fine to say he pays for stuff but if he's not putting effort into anything else....

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Avatar for justissb21
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2003
In reply to: dizzygurl
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 3:51pm
Hey no prob. I understand having a hard time explaining things outloud when they are so clear in your head. I have that problem too. No one can give you the advice you want, and I know that this is all a way for you to really work it out for yourself. Good for you to go back to school, get it done! Let me give you one last ounce of advice, the worst thing about being in a semi-committed relationship is trying to make it work, while going through finals :)

Good luck to you and figuring it all out.

BTW you don't happen to think that there is a connection between your father dying when you were young and dating an older man?

BB

Justiss, sleepy head-CL Growing Your Business

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
In reply to: dizzygurl
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 4:15pm
Hey I totally understand. I don't think it is a bad thing that you go over there, as long as when he did have a working car he went over to your place or at least offered. I usually go to my bfriend's house during the week because he has to go to work earlier than i do and has a dog to take care of. But he often offers to come to my place, and I take him up on it every now and then.

As for moving in with him - it is probabaly not right RIGHT NOW. Get a short lease somewhere else, that could be extended for longer if needed. And re-evaluate the situation at that time. You aren't going to lose anything by not moving in with him right now. You could even find a place closer to your school, which is then closer to his place. Just have fun and go with the flow right now, and don't make the relationship progress faster than it needs to be.

Hope this helps

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
In reply to: dizzygurl
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 12:00am
I couldn't help cracking a smile when I read the comment about me dating an older man because of my dad's death....you'd have no idea how many times I've turned that possibility over in my head. I don't really think it is though, he is my first bf friend who is more than a year older than me, plus he's just like a big kid. It's hard to explain the dynamic we have going but I feel like there is a healthy balance of how we take care of one another and wouldn't want it any other way :D

Just to clarify, I didn't go back to school, I never stopped lol. I'm in Grad school now to be a vet...eeeek! But it's great and is actually part of the reason we initially started talking about me moving in, cause when I'm in school...I don't have time to talk to him much during the week, and even though I keep my weekends as open as I can so I can see him, I don't always get to. We really like the idea of being able to see each other every night, even when my schedule starts to pick up again. (I have to say, though, that I'm sure gonna miss my summer breaks when I actually have to start working in the 'real world' lol)

Also, just for clarification, I never thought that I would be missing out on anything by not moving in with him now, but was talking more about not wanting to stop something amazing happening sooner because of fear...does that make sense? Anywho...I'll shut up now. :D lol C:

Thanks for all the help

~Dizzy

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